Soulmate/relationship: March 2005 Archives

When last I posted an installment in my soulmate saga, I told you that, on my trip to buy an espresso maker to help ease the loss of the only coffee shop in the small town where I was living, I also bought a copy of the book, The Unimaginable Life, by Kenny and Julia Loggins. Whereas I had been somewhat reticent to buy it at first, once I did, I gobbled it up in less than 24 hours! It’s the story of the first seven years of their relationship and it is VERY intimate and revelatory. If they held anything back, it wasn’t much. The book chronicles not only the rapture of finding and experiencing what they termed “Big Love,” but also the radical honesty and “personal housekeeping” involved in tending a conscious relationship.

For one of the friends I recommended the book to, it was too intimate, too “embarrassing” to read—for me, it was like manna from heaven! This was the level of relating that I had always wanted but hadn’t ever manifested. I craved the chance to explore that level of intimacy with someone who was totally invested instead of the men I had manifested to date—if you recall, I had attracted a slew of unavailable or otherwise unsuitable men. For the eight years prior to discovering the book, I had been holding men away with a psychic barrier. I had convinced myself that I would need to grow spiritually to the point where I would not repeat the mistakes of the past; would not attract another unavailable man; would not recreate the dysfunctional relationship patterns that had lead to such pain. What I understood from reading The Unimaginable Life is that the way to achieve what I was longing for was not to try to perfect myself as a way to protect against hurt, but to embrace relationship as a spiritual path, and be willing to risk whatever it took to walk the path with a partner—a mirror.

So, as I said, I devoured the book immediately. I started it the night I came back from buying it and the espresso machine, and was finished the next afternoon. When I turned the last page, I said to the Universe, very clearly—but not without some trepidation—“I’m ready to grow spiritually in a relationship.” Just moments afterward, I went online to the Kenny Loggins website, and checked out the Unimaginable Life forum. There was a message posted there by a guy who was offering a videotape of Kenny’s and Julia’s appearance on Leeza. I found myself emailing him to see if he still had a copy. Now this wouldn’t have been odd except that, not only did I not particularly want one, the two VCRs in our house were out of order, having been struck by lightning! And yet, I was asking this stranger for a copy of the tape. Hmmm…I just figured it was Sweet Julie (my inner child) experiencing the “me, too syndrome.” Since he was only asking $5 for a copy to cover the cost of the tape and shipping, it seemed like a harmless indulgence. I quickly received an answer back saying that he’d made 10 tapes and I’d gotten the last one.

I emailed back, asking where to send the money, and commented on how reading the book had opened me up. He replied and said it had been meaningful to him and his partner, too. Here is the third message I sent:

Dear Rick,

I'm excited! Thanks so much and let me know
about expenses... I am happy to hear that you
and your woman are resonating with the book.
It gives me hope that there are men out there
who "get it"!!! It could just be that there is one
somewhere for me! For the first time in years,
I feel myself opening up to allowing another
person into my life. Reading *The
Unimaginable Life* was like an initiation. 

Until "he" shows up, the book is calling me to
an even higher level of accountability in my
relationship with myself--which is obviously a
prerequisite for surviving and finding true
intimacy in relationship with another person.
Funny, I have been "working on myself"
for so long...guess it just never ends--
but maybe it can be more FUN! 

Light on the path,
Julia 

*****************
(Do take note of the message’s addressee…)

Next installment soon!

Back to my soulmate saga…From just after Christmas of 1990, to early 1998, I lived in my parents’ home in Lexington, North Carolina. They were there approximately 6 months out of 12 and I was there alone 6 months out of 12. During that period is when Recreating Eden was begun in earnest—though I didn’t at that point fully recognize what it was that I was undertaking. It was quite a time of solitude--a challenge for an extrovert like me! I should mention that Lexington is a small town of around 16,000, and not exactly a social mecca, or home to a gold mine of men that might have made suitable partners for me, even if I had been interested in coupling up at that time. Even Winston-Salem and Greensboro, where I worked in a holistic center and taught classes, didn’t yield up any promising partnership material for me—but then, as I said, I was wearing invisible barbed wire and a “Keep Out!” sign.

I might have gone nuts in Lexington, what with living alone, if I hadn’t discovered The Whirling Dervish, a coffee and gourmet shop, where I went every day, at least once, for a cappuccino and a bagel, and for much needed social interaction. The people who owned it, Betsy and Larry, became good friends, and people from the town I might not have gotten to know otherwise became my buddies, too. It was a bit like Cheers, but on caffeine instead of alcohol. Yes—The Dervish (so named because Betsy grew up as an expatriate in Turkey), saved my sanity.

The Dervish never really made much money, though, and after a few years of struggling by, Betsy and Larry finally decided to let it go. Now, you'd think that would have been devastating news, but for some reason, I did not react the way you might have expected. No—I somehow took it as a sign—a sign that my time to move on was at hand. That might not seem so unusual, except that I did not have a clue how I was going to pull it off. I simply did not have the financial wherewithal at that point to move. But oddly, I knew that moving was, indeed, what I was preparing to do. How? No clue. I remember walking my dachshund, Luna, in the lovely old neighborhood a block from the Dervish on a September afternoon soon after they announced it was closing in a couple of months. It was warm and golden—a perfect early fall day—and there was a breeze blowing that had the tiniest hint of chill in it, like a promise of what was to come. I can feel that breeze and hear it rustling the leaves in the big oaks on First Avenue to this day. It was more than a breeze—it was the winds of change. And I knew it even then.

I’ve said many times that your Spirit will use your personality to get you where you need to go and do what you need to do. Well, mine used my love for cappuccino to get me where I needed to be to find what I needed to find. Since the Dervish was closing and there were no other sources for espresso drinks in Lexington at the time, I decided I’d need an espresso maker if I were going to make it through with a minimum of withdrawals from the Dervish. So I headed to Winston-Salem to check them out and, to make a long story a little less long, ended up striking out at the gourmet and home stores—I thought $200 was a little much and their cheaper models were sold out. So, it was suggested to me that I try the new super Walmart. I’m thinking, “No way will they have espresso makers there!” but I let myself be convinced and went. What a Walmart! The price check girls were on roller skates, the place was so vast. And yes, they did, indeed, have an espresso maker—a Mr. Coffee for $40. So I got it, along with a frothing pitcher, and wandered around a bit before being sucked into their book department. There, I found what was then a new book by Kenny Loggins and his wife, Julia (nice name!) called The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love. Yes—that’s Kenny Loggins the singer. I felt a powerful attraction to the book, but I was a little torn at first. You see, I’d had a crush on Kenny since 1983 when I sat on the front row of one of his concerts in Japan and wasn’t sure I wanted to read about his love affair with his wife! I had been the only Caucasian in a sea of Japanese, and I was tall, blonde, blue-eyed and wearing a mini-skirt to boot! He paid a LOT of attention to me, singing to me, and even looking me in the eyes and leaning over the edge of the stage to throw me a sweaty towel at one point, which, thankfully, a teenage girl snatched out from in front of me. I say thankfully, because really, what does one do with someone’s perspiration-soaked towel? But I digress.

I did buy the book. And the rest is history. Of course, I will share that history with you in the next installment!