Julia: March 2005 Archives

My mom’s best friend made her transition yesterday. Not only were they close, she was like a second mother to me for much of my life. When Kennedy was assassinated and my folks were out of town, it was she who picked me up at school, took me to her house, and helped me cope. When I experienced my "time of the month" for the very first time, with my parents away on a trip, it was she who nurtured me through my passage. When I was an adult, struggling to understand the events and influences that shaped who I was, it was she who lovingly gave me the objective perspective on my upbringing. Some of my most important lessons were the simple ones she taught just by being there. And there was the power of her example.

She was a strong Southern woman: a crusader for the downtrodden, a voice for the voiceless, a political groundbreaker, and civil rights and community activist. She was a tireless volunteer for the many causes she championed, and one of the most open-minded, open-hearted people I have ever known. She was a deeply spiritual person, always willing to try on new ideas and different ways of seeing things. I think she would have liked Recreating Eden. I know she would have been proud of me for writing it. We had many conversations about my purpose in the world, and though I don’t know that she completely comprehended what I was about (even I didn’t until fairly recently), she told me that whatever I did, no matter how insignificant it might seem, was important, and that I was special just for being. Those are powerful messages to give to a young woman.

She had a cerebral hemorrhage a number of years ago and never fully recovered. Her mind never functioned the same and she was never able to live independently again. I guess it was her turn to receive from others. But just because she needed a lot of help didn’t mean she wasn’t contributing still. I’ll always remember the time I visited her in the convalescent home where she stayed when she was first out of the hospital after the hemorrhage. As I made my way to her wing, before she saw me coming, I spotted her a ways down the hall, sitting in a wheelchair, talking to someone. As I approached, I heard her sharing words of encouragement—doing her best to cheer up a fellow patient. She didn't even know where she was, yet she was trying to help someone else! And as sad as I was that her mental faculties were diminished and that much of her life as she had lived it was over, I knew then that the essential being was still in that body. She’s left it now, and I’m sad for the loss. However I’m also joyous that she is completely free again, and I’m absolutely positive she’s going to be very busy in the next world, doing her thing. My mom is in the hospital at the moment, in a lot of pain from a spinal disk fracture, and I would not be a bit surprised if she has a little extra help from the spirit realm in the coming days.

See you later, Mom #2.

When last I posted an installment in my soulmate saga, I told you that, on my trip to buy an espresso maker to help ease the loss of the only coffee shop in the small town where I was living, I also bought a copy of the book, The Unimaginable Life, by Kenny and Julia Loggins. Whereas I had been somewhat reticent to buy it at first, once I did, I gobbled it up in less than 24 hours! It’s the story of the first seven years of their relationship and it is VERY intimate and revelatory. If they held anything back, it wasn’t much. The book chronicles not only the rapture of finding and experiencing what they termed “Big Love,” but also the radical honesty and “personal housekeeping” involved in tending a conscious relationship.

For one of the friends I recommended the book to, it was too intimate, too “embarrassing” to read—for me, it was like manna from heaven! This was the level of relating that I had always wanted but hadn’t ever manifested. I craved the chance to explore that level of intimacy with someone who was totally invested instead of the men I had manifested to date—if you recall, I had attracted a slew of unavailable or otherwise unsuitable men. For the eight years prior to discovering the book, I had been holding men away with a psychic barrier. I had convinced myself that I would need to grow spiritually to the point where I would not repeat the mistakes of the past; would not attract another unavailable man; would not recreate the dysfunctional relationship patterns that had lead to such pain. What I understood from reading The Unimaginable Life is that the way to achieve what I was longing for was not to try to perfect myself as a way to protect against hurt, but to embrace relationship as a spiritual path, and be willing to risk whatever it took to walk the path with a partner—a mirror.

So, as I said, I devoured the book immediately. I started it the night I came back from buying it and the espresso machine, and was finished the next afternoon. When I turned the last page, I said to the Universe, very clearly—but not without some trepidation—“I’m ready to grow spiritually in a relationship.” Just moments afterward, I went online to the Kenny Loggins website, and checked out the Unimaginable Life forum. There was a message posted there by a guy who was offering a videotape of Kenny’s and Julia’s appearance on Leeza. I found myself emailing him to see if he still had a copy. Now this wouldn’t have been odd except that, not only did I not particularly want one, the two VCRs in our house were out of order, having been struck by lightning! And yet, I was asking this stranger for a copy of the tape. Hmmm…I just figured it was Sweet Julie (my inner child) experiencing the “me, too syndrome.” Since he was only asking $5 for a copy to cover the cost of the tape and shipping, it seemed like a harmless indulgence. I quickly received an answer back saying that he’d made 10 tapes and I’d gotten the last one.

I emailed back, asking where to send the money, and commented on how reading the book had opened me up. He replied and said it had been meaningful to him and his partner, too. Here is the third message I sent:

Dear Rick,

I'm excited! Thanks so much and let me know
about expenses... I am happy to hear that you
and your woman are resonating with the book.
It gives me hope that there are men out there
who "get it"!!! It could just be that there is one
somewhere for me! For the first time in years,
I feel myself opening up to allowing another
person into my life. Reading *The
Unimaginable Life* was like an initiation. 

Until "he" shows up, the book is calling me to
an even higher level of accountability in my
relationship with myself--which is obviously a
prerequisite for surviving and finding true
intimacy in relationship with another person.
Funny, I have been "working on myself"
for so long...guess it just never ends--
but maybe it can be more FUN! 

Light on the path,
Julia 

*****************
(Do take note of the message’s addressee…)

Next installment soon!

A year ago, I was scrambling to finish Recreating Eden so I could get it to the typesetter to meet our deadline. I was working every waking hour, sometimes barely coming up for air. I pretty much didn’t even know what time it was from hour to hour, much less what day of the week or month it was. Interesting things were happening, like I would come up with an “original” analogy and afterward, discover that it was almost exactly like a parable that Jesus had used. Hmmm… Late one night as I was polishing Chapter Seven, I was feeling a very strong connection with Jesus, and what he had sacrificed to come and blaze a trail for us. I wrote several impassioned paragraphs about it—but, for various reasons, ended up only including one paragraph of it. I’m feeling prompted to share the uncut version with you now…

*****

Can you even begin to imagine what Jesus was up against, coming to Earth at the point in time he did, teaching what he was teaching? Trying to get his message of the “kingdom of heaven” across in a civilization that was not only not operating at a very high consciousness level, but also was not exactly welcoming of revolutionary ideas? And can you imagine reaching his level of consciousness—of total knowing of his identity as God, and his level of frequency, where he could experience the utter, unending bliss of being perfectly aligned with Source, residing so close to the Core of Creation, we can hardly conceive of it—and then agreeing to lower his frequency to the degree that he had to in order to be able to manifest physically and operate in the harsh conditions that existed due to the prevalence of the schema for disharmony? Now that is Love. (And if you don’t get why this was such a big deal, just wait till you have escaped the schema for disharmony and see if you are eager to re-enter it!).

It seems to me that Jesus’ greatest gift to us was not that somehow our sins are automatically forgiven because he died on the cross (which, in the way it is normally discussed, has never made logical sense to me, nor has it rung true at the deepest level), but that he willingly re-entered the world of pain and suffering to show us that the way to stop being punished (to be forgiven) for the “sins” of violating Prime Principle and participating in the schema for disharmony, is through Love. His message was that when we love God with all our hearts and minds, and obey perfectly the voice of God sounding within us—even when it guides us to do something as horrifying as being tortured and nailed to a cross, we, too, will rise up out of the reverse polarity world. In my understanding, this is what the reference to the forgiveness of our sins is actually about.

To this end, he voluntarily underwent a hideously painful, reverse-polarity-world, physical death—an experience that he could have delivered himself from by rising up in frequency, but chose not to in order to show that he was, like us, subject to the schema for disharmony as long as he was in the lower-frequency world. He wanted to show that he was a human at the same time as he was God, so that we could see what was possible for us. He “died” and rose from the dead to show us that death is an illusion, and that the truth of us does not die. This extraordinarily advanced being also masterfully demonstrated that spontaneous regeneration—total healing—“coming back from the dead”—occurs when Spirit/Life Force Energy fully inhabits matter, as when he re-entered his body, and that ascension is possible. He packed a lot of teaching into one stunning act!

So much of what Jesus came to impart has been misunderstood. Viewing his words from the prevailing perspective of duality, we have not understood that when he said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me,” he was not speaking of himself from the standpoint of an ego-individuated being named Jesus, but from his Christ nature—his Spirit expressing his true identity through him—the Christ nature that is in potential in us, too, and our only way of moving closer to the Radiant Core of Creation—what he called “the Father.”

We also missed it when he said that, after he ascended, we would do those things that he did—raise ourselves in frequency and demonstrate the superhuman qualities of elevated frequency, and thus, help raise the frequency of all humanity: “Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father.” I hope you will realize that this perspective takes absolutely nothing away from Jesus, but empowers us to be and do all that we were created to be and do, and charges us with the responsibility of increasing our frequency by loving God, so that we can rise up out of the schema for disharmony and manifest Heaven on Earth as Jesus said we could.

*****

So that’s what I wrote that one night when I did not even know what day it was. It was not until the morning after that I realized it had been Easter Sunday. And yes, I got goosebumps!

I hope it’s not too annoying that I keep interjecting other stuff in between installments in the story of finding my soulmate, but life keeps happening, and I’m feeling the urge to share my latest realizations with you. I’ll get back to the story SOON!

I’ve had the chance to practice unconditional joy in more-challenging-than-usual circumstances, and test out my frequency-raising techniques over the last couple of days. I’m pleased to say that they work! (Of course, you have to remember to use them.) But more exciting to me is that, despite a litany of woes, I did not tank emotionally as I might have in the past. My emotional set point is definitely higher these days. Without going into great detail, my challenges included cold, gray, damp weather for days on end, it’s felt like there’s a hatchet embedded between my skull and neck (vertebrae C-1 and C-2 have gone out over and over, despite chiropractic adjustments), my 83-year-old mother in North Carolina, who has endured more physical suffering in the last couple of years than anyone should have to, has developed yet another seriously painful problem (and I’m not there to help my sisters take care of her), I found out some sad news about a couple Rick and I care about, and our dog, Roly, has had a “hot spot” that wasn’t responding well to the treatment I was using to help him (thankfully, it seems to be better today and I’ll tell you why in a minute). And there are a few other things that I won’t even mention.

At any rate, any one of the aforementioned things might have depressed me in the past, and surely the whole pile of them would have knocked me down. Oddly, though, even though I’ve felt sadness, and a bit overwhelmed at life in the duality matrix, it’s been a more detached sadness, and my basic sense of well-being has remained intact, even as I wondered if I am nuts to continue to proclaim the message of hope I’ve been given to share with the world. I was trying to explain this to Rick tonight, but couldn’t quite express what I meant—I’ll try again now: It’s as if I were skating on the edge of despair, and my logical mind wanted to take me on into the deep, dark abyss, saying, “Julia! Look at all the stuff that’s messed up in the world. You’re crazy if you think there’s a way out of this vale of tears,” but a wiser me—a me that was immune to my logical mind’s grim deductions—was standing a ways away from that edge gently calling me back, and keeping me tethered so that I wouldn't fall in. I was more detached from what was going on than I might have been able to be before and it was all just less upsetting somehow. The only explanation I have for it is that through practicing deliberate joy, I have raised my emotional set point so that even the traumatic times are not as traumatic. This is huge.

I was reading an interesting article by Daniel Goleman on this topic of the “emotional set point.” I was going to try and tell you all about it, but it would probably be more effective for you to read it yourself. The bottom line is this: while it’s been thought that your basic default setting cannot be significantly changed and will always revert to the same set point over time after either a euphoric event or a tragic event, there is evidence to show that meditation raises your set point. Since meditation is communion with your Spirit, it is very similar to what I’m talking about. I don’t think that it’s meditation per se, but communion that raises your joy level. In my spiritual practice, I do some meditation, but when I really experience shooting up in frequency to the joy space is when I’m engaging my whole brain in loving God In Me, which is something that is easy to forget when you’re in the midst of your “stuff.” So it’s doubly important to practice on purpose when things are easier. Today, after a few days of not really doing the things I know raise my frequency, I finally snapped out of it, got motivated to turn on happy music, sniff some “Joy” (essential oil blend), dance around to the music, and exercise, all of which raised my frequency even more. Interestingly, my vertabrae seem to have spontaneously gone back into place.

Now to tell you about Roly. Just as I was about to throw in the towel and take him to the vet, I came up with something that helped. I had a sudden inspiration to give him some colostrum last night, along with L-glutamine. Now, neither of these had any direct relationship as far as I knew to the problem he was having (raw, infected “hot spot”), but I followed my guidance and gave them to him, and by morning, the spot had decreased in size to about a fourth or less what it had been, and he’s left it alone all day. It has healed significantly. I should mention that I was getting frantic before I came up with that idea—having tried everything I could think of—and only when I surrendered it, did I hit on the thing that worked. What do you know? Surrendering to your Spirit—works every time.

Back to my soulmate saga…From just after Christmas of 1990, to early 1998, I lived in my parents’ home in Lexington, North Carolina. They were there approximately 6 months out of 12 and I was there alone 6 months out of 12. During that period is when Recreating Eden was begun in earnest—though I didn’t at that point fully recognize what it was that I was undertaking. It was quite a time of solitude--a challenge for an extrovert like me! I should mention that Lexington is a small town of around 16,000, and not exactly a social mecca, or home to a gold mine of men that might have made suitable partners for me, even if I had been interested in coupling up at that time. Even Winston-Salem and Greensboro, where I worked in a holistic center and taught classes, didn’t yield up any promising partnership material for me—but then, as I said, I was wearing invisible barbed wire and a “Keep Out!” sign.

I might have gone nuts in Lexington, what with living alone, if I hadn’t discovered The Whirling Dervish, a coffee and gourmet shop, where I went every day, at least once, for a cappuccino and a bagel, and for much needed social interaction. The people who owned it, Betsy and Larry, became good friends, and people from the town I might not have gotten to know otherwise became my buddies, too. It was a bit like Cheers, but on caffeine instead of alcohol. Yes—The Dervish (so named because Betsy grew up as an expatriate in Turkey), saved my sanity.

The Dervish never really made much money, though, and after a few years of struggling by, Betsy and Larry finally decided to let it go. Now, you'd think that would have been devastating news, but for some reason, I did not react the way you might have expected. No—I somehow took it as a sign—a sign that my time to move on was at hand. That might not seem so unusual, except that I did not have a clue how I was going to pull it off. I simply did not have the financial wherewithal at that point to move. But oddly, I knew that moving was, indeed, what I was preparing to do. How? No clue. I remember walking my dachshund, Luna, in the lovely old neighborhood a block from the Dervish on a September afternoon soon after they announced it was closing in a couple of months. It was warm and golden—a perfect early fall day—and there was a breeze blowing that had the tiniest hint of chill in it, like a promise of what was to come. I can feel that breeze and hear it rustling the leaves in the big oaks on First Avenue to this day. It was more than a breeze—it was the winds of change. And I knew it even then.

I’ve said many times that your Spirit will use your personality to get you where you need to go and do what you need to do. Well, mine used my love for cappuccino to get me where I needed to be to find what I needed to find. Since the Dervish was closing and there were no other sources for espresso drinks in Lexington at the time, I decided I’d need an espresso maker if I were going to make it through with a minimum of withdrawals from the Dervish. So I headed to Winston-Salem to check them out and, to make a long story a little less long, ended up striking out at the gourmet and home stores—I thought $200 was a little much and their cheaper models were sold out. So, it was suggested to me that I try the new super Walmart. I’m thinking, “No way will they have espresso makers there!” but I let myself be convinced and went. What a Walmart! The price check girls were on roller skates, the place was so vast. And yes, they did, indeed, have an espresso maker—a Mr. Coffee for $40. So I got it, along with a frothing pitcher, and wandered around a bit before being sucked into their book department. There, I found what was then a new book by Kenny Loggins and his wife, Julia (nice name!) called The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love. Yes—that’s Kenny Loggins the singer. I felt a powerful attraction to the book, but I was a little torn at first. You see, I’d had a crush on Kenny since 1983 when I sat on the front row of one of his concerts in Japan and wasn’t sure I wanted to read about his love affair with his wife! I had been the only Caucasian in a sea of Japanese, and I was tall, blonde, blue-eyed and wearing a mini-skirt to boot! He paid a LOT of attention to me, singing to me, and even looking me in the eyes and leaning over the edge of the stage to throw me a sweaty towel at one point, which, thankfully, a teenage girl snatched out from in front of me. I say thankfully, because really, what does one do with someone’s perspiration-soaked towel? But I digress.

I did buy the book. And the rest is history. Of course, I will share that history with you in the next installment!

Instead of continuing my “soulmate saga” tonight, I’m going to share a few thoughts about what a soulmate is. I’ve been having a related conversation with someone the last couple of days, and I’m sure she won’t mind if I share some of what I told her, plus some things that haven’t made their way into our exchange. I believe we have many soulmates in our lives—not just in the realm of romantic partners—but the kind of soulmates I’m speaking of here are a man and a woman (or same-sex partners) coming together in intimacy to share their lives together as a couple.

People seem to think that finding your soulmate means that you’ve found the rainbow’s end and that you are entering a sort-of never ending fairytale romance where everything is hunky-dory and “they lived happily ever after.” That’s not my definition after having been in what I’m absolutely certain is a soulmate relationship. The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines a soulmate as “a person temperamentally suited to another.” (By the way, they don’t recognize soulmate as a compound word, but it seems right to me, so I’m going to use it.) I’d say that definition is accurate, if not complete.

I do believe that being temperamentally suited is a baseline characteristic of a harmonious soulmate relationship—but I’m guessing some people wouldn’t even count temperament as a necessary factor in being soulmates—perhaps they’re looking more at karmic connections. I believe I’ve had those kind as well, but I’ve never characterized any relationship with a man prior to Rick as being a soulmate relationship. I know that Rick and I are remarkably temperamentally suited. While there are many aspects of each of us that are quite different from the other’s, there’s a basic compatibility and comfort level with each other that provides a stability and harmony that is quite psychologically freeing. It is certainly something that was missing in many of my prior relationships, so I have a particular appreciation for it.

What seems to me like the hallmark of a soulmate relationship—at least from where I’m sitting at the moment—is being able to maximize your spiritual growth together in ways that you could not do by yourself—being in relationship with someone who is as committed to your growth as you are to his/hers. A soulmate is a magnifying mirror, and helps you see what needs to be seen, even when it is not the most flattering reflection, and is honored to provide that for you, though it isn’t always fun. Being in a soulmate relationship expedites your journey to Oneness—oftentimes by showing you where you are being resistant to Oneness!

Something that has been powerful in Rick’s and my relationship is how healing being together is. So much of our past “stuff” has been healed by the immense Love that is generated by our being together. It didn’t even require slogging through it—though there has been a small amount of that. It’s really seemed to happen spontaneously. What a miracle! Love—ain't it amazing?!

There’s alot more to say on this subject, but it’s late and my brain is going numb, so I’m going to wrap this up for now by quoting from my email of earlier tonight to the friend with whom I’ve been talking about soulmate relationships:

“The goal, however challenging, is to LOVE GOD first—not the other person. Loving God In You IS loving the other person--the truth of them, anyway. The strongest possible relationships are two people in partnership to glorify their Love for God. And God is the perfect recipient of your Love. Just like God loves you constantly, so God also receives your Love constantly—never waffles or wavers at the responsibility of receiving your Love. As far as abandonment, God's got you covered there, too! Know that God In You will never abandon you. You might abandon "Her," but "She" will never abandon you. Therefore, if you focus all your passion to loving your Spirit, you may find that the landscape around you will change to reflect that. I believe that we learn the most rapidly in relationship, so if that's your path, there WILL be someone there to pursue your "Ph.D." in greater commitment with you when you are open to it.

Being with your soulmate means that you have found your ideal partner to grow with spiritually, and that the two of you have a deep sense of familiarity, connectedness, and destiny. It doesn't necessarily mean forever, but it means the deepest level of commitment in the NOW.”

After my comments about “looking for love” in my last blog entry, someone wrote me today and asked how I met my husband, Rick. It’s a really cool story, and will take more space than I’m going to allot to one blog entry, so I’ll tell it in installments!

First, I’ll start with a little background. I was married for the first time when I was 23, to someone who was just not right for me. He was my first earth-shaking love, and it took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that we were just not suited for each other, no matter how much we loved each other at essence. I kept the voice inside that was trying to tell me that well-muted for a number of years, until finally, it could not be denied anymore. Our relationship lasted about five years total, but our marriage, only 15 months. Interestingly, I had severe migraine headaches during exactly the period of time we were together. Once we split up, the migraines only came back once, and again, it was when I was not being honest with myself.

I have deduced that migraines are common occurrences when you are lying to yourself about something important—when you are not heeding your inner guidance. Not saying that’s the only cause—just that it seems to be consistent with my observations of myself and others. I learned somewhere that when the frequencies of your left and right brain hemispheres are different, it can cause migraines. Kind of makes sense with my theory, doesn’t it? Anyway, while I was crazy about my first husband, and he loved me a lot, it was a serious mismatch. I’m sure there was a karmic component to our being together, and I still feel a bond with him, but it was a powerful move in the right direction when we split up. I’m happy to say that, even though we made lousy partners, we have a nice relationship now, and he and his wife—who is very cool—have both read Recreating Eden and bought copies for friends and family. I hope to see them when I’m in North Carolina this spring.

After my marriage, I had quite an active social life, and it took me a number of relationships to see a pattern emerging: I was always magnetizing unavailable men. My first husband had been unavailable emotionally. I had another boyfriend that was still hung up on his first love and wasn’t available—actually, make that 2 boyfriends hung up on lost loves. And there were the ones that just weren’t that into me, and the one that, when things got to the deep-heart intimacy stage, freaked out and pulled away (now that’ll do a number on you!). There was one that worked on the pipeline in Alaska and was only around for two weeks of every five, and then there were (I’m sad to say) the married ones or engaged ones, or otherwise involved ones. If a man was unavailable, I was like a magnet to him. And, in many ways, that suited me fine. It was easier to be involved with a man that was unavailable. That way, I didn’t have to commit (This was something I wasn’t cognizant of at the time, but that I figured out in a later analysis). And I’m a “keep my options open” type—a “P-type” in the Myers-Briggs personality inventory. Being involved with unavailable men suited me—but only sort-of. There was a deep longing in me for true partnership—a longing to be with a man who would consider me the “love of his life,” and with whom I could build a life. Continually being involved with unavailable men did little or nothing for my self esteem, and I felt guilty about the relationships with men who were involved with other women. But for some reason, I kept creating relationships with the old pattern until one day, I just said “ENOUGH! I refuse to keep doing this! I will not be in any relationship at all until I can break this sick pattern!” And the universe took me at my word.

Eight years passed in which I did not have so much as one single, solitary date. I had erected a psychic barrier that was so powerful, I not only didn’t attract men, I did not come across one man that I was even vaguely interested in! It was as if that part of my life was utterly non-existent. And for someone who was still attractive and that had always had lots of interactions with men (as you may have surmised by my partial list of relationships above) it was quite a phenomenon to live such a life of relationship abstinence.

But all that was going to change in 1997…

I’ll tell you more of my relationship saga soon!

Well, I just have to tell you of my “heroic” journey yesterday. If you read my last blog entry, you’ll remember that I needed to drive down to Colorado Springs to take a box of books to the store that is selling books for the Celebration Fair next month. When I talked to the store owner Tuesday, and had the inspiration to drive them on down, I said, “The weather looks like it’s going to be great for driving this week.” (Hmmm…) Then I thought to myself “Ooooh—I hope I didn’t jinx it—I sure wouldn’t want to have to drive in the snow.” I don’t travel in bad weather. As a Southern girl, I learned that if a snowflake falls, hunker down with your cocoa and let somebody else risk life and limb to go to the store for bread and milk. (You know—I figured people in Colorado would be blasé about snow, and they are more relaxed about it, BUT, the bread and milk supply at the store evaporates when snow starts to fall just like in the South, and the weather folks here make like it’s a major event, too. Every time it snows! Go figure.)

Anyway, I got up and got going early so I could get on down there and back in time to rest up a little before having dinner with Rick’s mom prior to seeing stepdaughter #1 in the musical. The day began with clear skies, then it clouded up—no big deal—the weather prognosticators were calling for zero precipitation. When I was backing out of the driveway, and noticed what looked like small pieces of lint blowing around, I was not concerned—but called Rick to see if they had revised the forecast. He checked and then called me back. “Nope—zero precipitation is forecast, though the current weather in Colo. Springs says it’s snowing lightly. They said it’s a weak system that backed up against the mountains, and it’ll be finished by the time you get there,” he assured me. By this time, I’m well south of Denver and it was, no doubt, snowing. But, no worries—it’s about over. (Hmmm…) There were two crashes on the interstate, and traffic crept along, making the trip about twice as long as normal, and by the time I got to Colorado Springs, it was snowing so hard, I couldn’t even see the building that was one of the landmarks I was supposed to locate to know where to turn! But I found the store, delivered the books, and got back on the road again as fast as possible. It was still a blizzard as I left, and it looked like a white fairyland, but by the time I got halfway back to Denver, it was blue skies and sunshine and no snow to be seen! Crazy. I do believe I created the whole freakish thing because of my issues about traveling in precipitation. When you worry about something, you’re giving it creative juice…

Stepdaughter #1 is spectacular in her starring role in the musical. The best part is that she looks SO happy—totally in her element. It’s wonderful to see someone you love doing something that matches who they are and brings them—and everyone else—so much joy. What a blessing! Imagine a world where everyone had “found themselves.”

Something I wanted to mention about yesterday was that while I was in the store waiting for the manager to check in the books, I heard a young lady at the cash register say that she was “looking for love.” I had to bite my tongue not to say, “You don’t have to look far! You’ve already got access to all the Love there is!” Now, I know what she meant was that she is looking for partnership, and for someone to be in relationship with. But as someone who has manifested her soulmate, I can tell her that having someone to be in partnership with is fabulous, but the only Love there is comes from God In You. If you feel more Love in the presence of someone else, it’s just because that person catalyzes a greater flow of Love/ Life Force through you. You don’t get Love from someone else—you get it from God. Period. It’s your Love—the love of God In You—that you feel whenever you feel Love, not someone else’s. But I know what it is like to long for someone to catalyze that Love. Here’s the cool thing—if you initiate a romance with your Spirit, you will not only experience the only perfect Love there is, you will become attractive to another human being who has the same healthy relationship with God In Them. And believe me, if you want to be happy in a partnership, it had better be clear to you both that it’s really all about your relationship with God.

One more thing—About my meeting with Jeff Herman—he is awesome and it went great! And that’s all I’m going to say for now…

It’s rather humorous when I consider that the message I feel compelled to get out to the world boils down to "YOU HAVE TO BE JOYOUS—OR ELSE!" I mean, how inspiring or effective is that, anyway? Let alone, joyous. Not very. But sometimes what I want to do is run around and grab people by the shoulders, shake them and yell “DON’T YOU KNOW HOW SELFISH IT IS FOR YOU TO BE IN YOUR PISSY MOOD?" But what would that accomplish, really? A black eye for me, maybe! Of course you can’t tell people they HAVE to do anything and expect it to do anything but backfire. If I can’t be unconditionally joyous, how can I possibly expect everybody else to? Especially since most don't have a clue that their frequency impacts everyone else's. I understand that I need to rise above. I understand that the only one that needs to concern me is me…sort of. While I see that, if I’m the one that most feels the calling to preach it, I’d better be the one doing it, it’s still frustrating to know that only a teensy fraction of humanity understands that their joy is most likely going to make the difference between living and dying, between ascending and flaming out. I feel such a strong need to get this message out and get people to wake up to the very real responsibility we have to lift the planet up. But, obviously, it has to be done more effectively than using the “shaking people” method would be!

I know—I need to get a grip. I’m working on it. But hey—it’s healthy to release strong emotion so it doesn’t block the flow. In fact, it’s vital to get the energy moving so that I can get back to joy. I hope this diatribe is not bringing you down! I checked in with guidance to see if I should even post it, and the answer was “Yes.” I did warn you to put your shields up. I hope you took me at my word!

Unless I end up with a lot more time than I think I’ll have tomorrow, it’ll be a few days before I blog again. I’m going to Colorado Springs tomorrow to deliver a bunch of books to the bookstore who will be selling them at the Celebration Fair. Tomorrow night, we’re going to see Stepdaughter #1 starring in the community theater production, and early Saturday morning, I have an appointment with Jeff Herman, a big-deal literary agent from New York, who is in town for CIPA College (Colorado Independent Publisher’s Association’s conference). And no—I’m not sure why I made an appointment with him—but I guess I’ll find out! Ought to be educational at the very least. Anyway, I will need to go to bed about as soon as I get home from the performance tomorrow night, so unless something major happens that I can’t wait to tell you about, it’ll be Saturday night before I write again.

I trust by then, I’ll have lightened up again! It is now safe to put your shields back down. Frustrated Julia has left the building.

This morning, my Prime Thought was “unconditional joy,” so I wonder why it took me even a nanosecond to figure out why I was feeling so blissful for “no apparent reason” today! But it did—I was standing at the stove this afternoon, stirring the ganache for stepdaughter #4’s birthday cake and thought, “Gee, I feel so giddy! I wonder why?” (and no, it was not the chocolate! Or sugar—it was sugar-free—made with xylitol. It was bonafide unconditional bliss!) Then I realized what I had programmed for. I think I will make that my Prime Thought more often! Maybe everyday!

Today I got a forwarded message with some channeling of “the Hathors” by Tom Kenyon about joy being critical for saving the planet. It was remarkably consistent with what I’ve been receiving/teaching. See what you think. You can read it on his website: http://tomkenyon.com/hathors/index.php Scroll down to the heading “Tom’s Recent Context and Hathors June 2004 Transmission.”

I finally got the article on joy finished for the Baton Rouge magazine, along with an ad for our “joy fest.” Now I need to get the flyer for it finished and posted on the website. It’s now less than 2 months away! And it just keeps getting richer and richer—Rigsby Frederick, who is a renowned artist, apparently has a fabulous home in Baton Rouge, and has most kindly offered to host our Friday evening introductory talk and booksigning there! According to Ellen, it’s a “hot ticket” (actually, it’s a free event!) because everybody is eager to see his house, which is filled with an amazing art collection of museum quality, and he rarely opens it. I’m so excited about it! All that creative energy to raise the vibes! The backdrop for all aspects of the weekend is going to be stunning. Saturday, we’re going to be at Shadetree Inn, and Sunday, at Hemingbough.

Even if you do not live close to South Louisiana, I hope you’ll go within and ask God In You if you are supposed to join us that weekend. I am clearer all the time that we’re not only going to be increasing our tolerance for joy, we’re going to be putting something critical in place for the mission of lifting the planet. Not to mention, having a fabulous time! I have confidence that whoever is intended to be there, will be there, whether they know it or not at this moment in time! I promise to get the details posted soon.

Oh—and one more little tidbit I’ve been meaning to share—Amazon.com has added a fun, new feature. If you look up Recreating Eden there, you’ll see, right under my name, a string of phrases after the letters “SIP.” These are “statistically improbable phrases,” which their computer came up with after scanning the book and finding sequences of words that are unusual and seem to have significance. “Unified radiance,” “schema for harmony,” and “misaligned world,” are just a few of the ones it found in Recreating Eden! When you click on the phrases, it shows you other books in which those phrases were also found—and in this case, not very many! Pretty interesting…

The following was written last night but I couldn’t post it because Earthlink was down…

When taking a shower tonight (being in water always seems to increase my attunement), I received an analogy that describes what was going on in the events of Saturday as described in my last blog entry. Chinese handcuffs. You know, your fingers are stuck in either end of a diabolical, deceptively flimsy-looking little basket-woven tube, and when you try to pull your fingers out, the tube gets tighter and your fingers are stuck. Well that’s what going head to head with your ego is like. Like those Chinese handcuffs, the more we try to get loose, the more trapped we get. If I remember correctly from my own experience with Chinese handcuffs (I got them in my Christmas stocking once upon a time), the trick is to relax completely, return your fingers to their original position, and slip out of them with ease—ease being the keyword.

We’re so habituated to trying, to efforting. We have that drilled into us from Day 1 in our Earth indoctrination. It is one of the larger traps that keeps us stuck. WORK HARD. Struggle. And if you struggle hard enough, you can force things to line up for you. The Puritan work ethic that our country holds in such high esteem doesn’t seem supportive of joy. I’m not sure—never met a Puritan—but I don’t believe they were renowned for their joyful existence. That approach to life—that work, work, work, HARD at something (whether it fits who you are or not) for a reward—will not take you closer to a life of joy. If it did, ditch diggers would be the most joyful people on the planet. While there is some satisfaction to be found in any accomplishment that may come out of hard work, there are certainly more efficient, more effective ways of getting there!

Ease is the companion to joy. Ease is what delivers us where we long to go. You know I’m not talking about ease at the expense of someone else, or false ease, which is when you disengage from the flow. I’m talking about making an intention and allowing the Divine Design to flow it to you—or flow you to it!

In the same vein, tonight when I finally let Rick read a draft of the joy article, he had a nice analogy to offer to it. In adding to my words about how the Divine Design for Wholeness and Harmony is always activated and ready for you to resume your place in it; and your Spirit is always ready to draw you back into union with It, he suggested a comparison with a helium balloon. Helium balloons are always going to rise if you release your grip on their string because helium is lighter than air, and it is the nature of helium to rise if you allow it to. Likewise, when we choose to release our ego grip on our lives so that we can be drawn upward by spirit, we are certain to rise. We rise back up to our place in the Design. With pure ease.

There are just sometimes when I create my own misery, am fully aware that I’m doing it, but can’t seem to get myself to make a shift. Such was the case with my Saturday. Actually, it all started Friday, when I discovered that the kitchen drain had backed up—again—in the basement. Since it was inconvenient for a variety of reasons to have the plumber come out Friday, I arranged to have him come Saturday morning. I really don’t like having service people in the house. Even though this company has about the nicest technicians you would hope to meet (we’ve had drain problems a lot!), I still don’t like having people in the house unless they’re my good friends or family—and even then, I’m usually ready for them to leave sooner rather than later. Nothing personal—I’m just funny about my space. So I was dreading having the service guy come to clean out the drain. In fact, I was so annoyed about it, I let it impinge upon my enjoyment of Friday afternoon and evening. And Saturday morning. And, as it turned out, most of Saturday afternoon. I just wanted the whole thing to be over with and that was all I could think about. Even the inconvenience of not being able to use the kitchen sink paled in comparison to me just wanting the plumber to have come and gone.

I was unhappy to have to get up earlier than normal to be ready for the appointment in the morning, but I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed. And waited. And then I started getting irritated because Rick was sleeping and wasn’t up to entertain me while I waited. (Are you starting to see how I was choosing to swim in reverse polarity?!) I tried to stop feeling irritated. I tried to relax, but I just wanted this to be OVER so I could resume my free and easy weekend. When the 2-hour window had passed for when the plumber was supposed to be there, and no word at all, I called and the operator told me he was tied up on another job but that he would be there as soon as possible. Another hour and a half passed, and while I had tried to relax and go with the flow, I was getting more annoyed and more annoyed. All I could seem to do is stew in my own juices. I had been planning to work on my joy article, but the state I was in didn’t seem like the right vibe to include. Not to mention, when I’m waiting for something, I get fidgety, and concentration is a challenge. Argh. “When will this be OVER?!!!” I kept thinking. I have never counted waiting among my strong suits. Anything but.

To top it off, every time the dogs went outside, they would bark like their life depended on it at the neighbor dogs, and that was annoying me more than usual, so I stormed out to get them to be quiet, and once there, realized it was warm out and that it felt pretty good. I decided to do the scooping that was past due (hey—it matched my mood!). And then something happened as I got into the rhythm of cleaning up the yard. I spotted some grass that needed pulling, and I pulled it. While bent over to do that, I noticed that the early tulips were up—always a hopeful sign of Spring. In the same bed, I ran my hands over the new green lavender leaves poking through the dried ones, and inhaled the fragrance of heaven. I felt the sun on my shoulders and it was wonderful. I went in and got a book and a glass of water, pulled a chair into the sun, and allowed it to melt my irritation. I sat and read until I was in the shade and the breeze became a little too cool. Meanwhile, the dogs found some old marrow bones and settled down quietly to enjoy them. Heaven. When I decided to go inside, they came with me and we snuggled up on the sofa to read some more. It was now 3 plus hours since the lady told me the plumber would be right over, but I no longer cared. I had somehow found the way out of the endless loop of annoyance. When he finally came, it was just about painless. I stayed on the sofa with the pups, and Rick kept the plumbing guy company (who was yet another nice guy). It certainly was not an experience to dread. And the sense of intrusion I felt with him here was far less than the sense of intrusion I created with my dread and the feeding of my sense of disruption. I am the one who disrupted my weekend—not the plumber! The more I had fought myself and told myself I shouldn’t feel that way, the more ensconced my irritation had become. Thank you, Mother Nature, for grabbing hold of me ever so gently and leading me out of my self-induced misery. The key was not in trying to resist—not in trying to make myself let go, but was in staying in the moment, appreciating the magic unfolding around me, and allowing myself to be drawn into the Divine Design for Wholeness and Harmony and upward in frequency back into joy. That was a lesson I could not miss! And you can bet it's being incorporated into my joy article.

I think I told you I’ve been working on a magazine article on joy—well, I took a couple of days off due to other things that needed to get done, and when I came back to it today, it had morphed. Morphed as in, it had become a new article. Whereas I’d had at least two thirds of it done, today I realized I need to take it back to the beginning of the second paragraph. I thought it was pretty decent before, but apparently, it was not what most needed to be said. So, I basically started over. I use dowsing rods when I’m writing, by the way, to check things to be sure they are correct, not just in content, but in their energy—and, to check to be sure that I’ve hit the target with what I’m saying. There’s an awful lot of things one could focus on in an article on joy, but with a 1300-word limit, I need to make the most of them. Naturally, I also have developed the skill of paying attention to the energy in my body when I’m reading over what I’ve written to make sure there are no energy snags or frequency drops. If I have any sense that something isn’t quite accurate or not what needs to be said or something’s out of place, I’ll usually pull out the rods and check. I was so focused on getting things just right when I wrote Recreating Eden, I dowsed every word in it, plus about three or four times more words than made it into the book.

It’s an interesting process. It’s like having a dialog—but with whom? I think I've mentioned before that it’s been made clear to me that I am not to attribute what I write to channeled entities, yet I frequently have the sense that I’m picking up on specific energies that could be attributed to specific beings. The message I’ve gotten about that is that if my message to the world is about Oneness consciousness, then designating the source of the information as coming from this ascended master or that ascended master is counter to purpose. Since it all is from the Great Mind of God, and since any ascended master is way past any ego need to receive credit, I am not to label where the information comes from because for one thing, I don’t truly know! Fortunately, there’s a system in place to assure that whatever I’m receiving from whomever won’t make it into what I’m writing if I’m not sure it comes into my mind through God In Me—the guardian of energy quality.

Have you ever put yourself on the spot to be a channel for wisdom through God Mind? It’s awesome. It’s challenging in the sense that your main job is getting your left brain and ego mind out of the way so that you get accurate, higher frequency information, but it is such a powerful way to connect up and feel the energy of higher frequency, it’s definitely worth hanging in there for. And it’s a perfect way to observe your process—if you’re properly surrendered to your Spirit, and thus, aligned, you get a free flow of energy information that holds together and is harmonious. If you’re not, you get something lesser. It’s kind of like biofeedback! If I’m feeling disconnected and want to feel connected, one of my favorite ways is to sit down to write—to sit down with the intention of connecting. I highly recommend it as a way to put yourself in alignment. As I told someone yesterday, the same essences and wisdom I’m attuned with are available to you. There’s no exclusivity on the Great Mind of God—those who intend to receive and provide a container for it pour into—AND who make it clear that they won’t accept anything less than the highest frequency information—will be enthusiastically provided for by Higher Intelligence and will receive all the wisdom and Love they can handle! And Heaven knows, we can all use more wisdom and Love!

So, rewriting the article was not the hassle it might have been--it was a cool experience that opened up a bunch of new insights. I still have a little ways to go (the deadline is Tuesday), and though I'm not yet clear on where it's going, I know that finishing it will be a cool adventure!

My life is in Your hands, Great Spirit, and I relinquish all illusion of personal control.

I give myself to You completely, knowing that it is my only hope for true healing.

I surrender myself at all levels to be restored to the perfection of Your design for me and every molecule of my body, mind, and heart are now open and being saturated with Your Light.

I know that Your Love is constantly flowing through me, re-educating every cell as to its right and perfect function, and that Divine Order is being re-established and maintained within me.

I accept balance and allow the flow of energy through me to be free-flowing, both in and out, in perfect rhythm, aligning with the great heartbeat of the Universe.

I turn over my fear to You to be transformed into pure Light once more, healing my wounded child-self and restoring my trust in Your perfect Love.

I allow myself to receive Your Love through the help and nurturing of others, understanding that all involved are blessed by the exchange.

I let go of trying to control the responses of others, knowing that they, too, are Yours and are directly cared for by You. I share my truth with them and have faith that they are walking their own paths to You.

I see powerfully with inner vision that is focused on You, and trust that no matter what may appear in the outer, all is under Your control and healing is taking place according to Your direction.

Because I know I am Yours, Great Spirit,

I am healed and free.

Copyright 2005 Julia Rogers Hamrick

God (In Me) has quite a twisted sense of humor. Tonight, stepdaughter #2 had a choral concert at her high school. Stepdaughter #4 had a teacher conference at the middle school. Stepdaughter #3 had a dinner date with her stepmom (me), and stepdaughter #1 was AWOL. (Well—only technically. She’s in college and even though she goes to University of Denver, just a couple of miles away, our mandate is to pretend she’s out of state somewhere. I’m sure she was rehearsing for the big show that she’s starring in next weekend.) And no, we haven’t come to the funny part yet. Aren’t you relieved to know that?!

Soooooo, Rick heads off to meet #4 and her mother at the teacher conference, leaving #3 with me. She and I decide a burrito bowl at Chipotle is what we’re in the mood for, so we stop and dine on our way to the concert, leaving in time to save a seat in the back for Rick so he can meet us as soon as he is sprung from the conference. All went according to plan, and the concert was relatively succinct, considering there were 4 different choirs performing. Let me put that in personal terms: there were 3 groups singing that did not have a Hamrick girl in them. Stepdaughter #3 was in the last choir to sing. While I wouldn’t likely go if there weren’t a stepchild to support, it’s nice to sit and soak in the energy and sweet sounds of those young voices. (I know you’re still waiting for the funny part—I’m getting there—and just so you won’t be disappointed, it’s not that funny!)

About halfway through #2’s choir performance, I start thinking about how I turned the broiler of the toaster oven on to melt the cheese on my cheese toast I had for a very late lunch. I start wondering if I successfully turned it off. We have a new toaster oven that the girls gave us for Christmas—heaven knows we needed one—and it has some controls that I’m not yet completely used to. So I’m worrying. I have a tiny little touch of OCD sometimes, and once in awhile, I can be a bit obsessive unless I’m really firm with myself. Did the toaster oven catch the house on fire? Are the puppies okay or…? Oh no oh no oh no oh no!

“JULIA!” Get a grip!” I tell myself. I manage to wrestle my attention away from the fear thoughts, but they find their way back again. And again. So, at last, the concert is over, we wait for #2 so we can tell her how great it was, hug her goodnight, as well as #s 3 and 4, and set off for our cars. I get in, and the fear thoughts start up again. “DO NOT FEED THE FEAR, Julia!” So I turn on the radio for a distraction. What is on? The Doors, doing their greatest hit, “Light My Fire.” (That was the funny part. Okay—not all that funny, but isn’t God a wise guy sometimes?!) I did guffaw.

I was relieved not to see the sky orange over our house as I turned onto our street. Of course, all was well.

The radio station I was tuned to— 99.5 “The Mountain,” in Denver—has DJs that actually know some fascinating things about music and the musicians (they play mostly 60s and 70s rock). I get the impression that a lot of them smoked dope with the musicians back in the day...Anyway, the DJ tonight said that Jim Morrison was big into shamanism and would go into a shamanic trance for performances. I thought that was pretty interesting. But sheesh—there I am looking for some distraction from worrying that I might have started a fire, and what do I get?! I think there’s a message there, and I might even know what it is—I just need to chew on it awhile. Maybe it’s “don’t deny your fears, embrace them and transform them.” Or, perhaps it’s “rise above your fear” instead of pushing it away. Maybe. We’ll see! I'm sure if I were at a higher frequency, I would have been filled with confidence and faith in my Spirit, and fear wouldn't have even had a foothold. (I’m also pretty sure I could tell YOU just how to respond to such an obsessive episode, but you know how it is when it’s your own stuff—something about forests and trees…)

I was going to tell you the other night that I had—at last—finished The Lineage of the Codes of Light, but then something else came into my consciousness to share with you and I did not get it done. So….I finished it. I highly recommend this book. I will share here what I put in a review I wrote about it for Amazon (because I’m too lazy to try to re-phrase):

“I am awed at Jessie Ayani's skill in telling the story of the Sisterhood and imbuing it with such potent energy. I may be one of the pickiest people in the world when it comes to writing, and even the need for better editing in this book couldn't dampen the pure magic of it for me. I read this book slowly, rationing it so that I could extract the most out of it. I read most of it while exercising, and that really seemed to help me easily integrate the energy shifts this powerful book catalyzes.

Truly, if you are meant to read this book, and are ready for it, you will be drawn into it. You will feel new openings within you, deep memories surfacing, greater activation of the Codes of Light within you, and new realizations about who you are and why you are here. You will feel more empowered, and know you are a part of something wondrous. If it's not for you, or you're not ready to read it, you will not be attracted. But if you are, be ready to expand!”

And, of course, I gave it a five-star rating. I was a bit sad for it to end—it had become a friend over all the months I nursed it along. I took care of myself, however, and had her next book waiting in the wings. I’m now reading it and loving it, too. It is The Brotherhood of the Magi.

Over the weekend, my dear husband accidentally got me hooked on Anne Lamott. I’m not even sure how he came across her writing, but he emailed me a link to the archives of a regular column she used to write for Salon.com, and I’ve been gobbling it up. I’m sharing the link with you, but I’m warning you—it is highly habit forming stuff. I want to describe to you what she's all about--to characterize her writing style and substance, but I don't think I can even come close to doing it justice. You will need to discover it for yourself. While my spiritual orientation (and perhaps yours) is certainly different than hers, I find her quirky--yet deeply soulful--take on things to be spiritually enriching, and her irreverance completely engaging. I will probably next be reserving all her books from the library—actually, I bet Rick probably already has some on hold.

And speaking of books, our copy of The Disappearance of the Universe arrived today. I haven’t had a chance to start reading it yet (too busy polishing off the Anne Lamott archives), but I flipped through it, and saw some things that I resonated with, and a couple of things that I didn’t. I am still feeling somewhat guilty that apparently many people bought it thinking I was endorsing it. And I went to such pains to explain in the letter I sent out that I hadn’t read it and didn’t know if it was consistent with what I teach, but that it was a good deal with all the bonuses, and that me sending out notice of it to my list was helpful to the Recreating Eden cause—and then the first two people I talked to who had gotten the mailing said, “Oh—I bought it because you recommended it!” Sheesh. I guess I focused so hard on not wanting to give the impression that I was saying I was promoting what was in the book, I created the very thing I was trying not to! It wouldn't be the first time the law of attraction had worked that way in my life. (wry grin) Oh, well. I bet it will be a worthwhile read.

Boy, oh boy. The gorgeous, skinny ingénue in the pictures has long since vacated the premises, and in her place is a 51-year-old, overweight, bifocal-wearing crone with multiple chins. It’s pretty sobering to realize (and it didn’t just happen today) that the youthful good looks you could always count on are not yours to use as currency anymore. Happily, I am almost adjusted to that, and while I’d still like to look great, I’m no Jane Fonda or Goldie Hawn, either. I just don’t have sufficient motivation to do what it takes to look that fabulous. My 45-50 minutes of combination Nordic Tracking and recumbent bike riding 3-4 times a week is as stringent as it’s going to get for me. And my diet—well, as I said before, I’ve restricted carbs to good effect, but have this little six year-old kid inside who is hungry a lot and her tastes don’t run to low calorie choices that often.

I came to a peaceful place with all that today—for now, anyway. One of the photographs showed me in my first, very short haircut. I went from shoulder length to a little-bitty sassy bob, like that blonde girl’s on Dallas (whose name I have nearly no recollection of--Kimberly-something maybe?) and it made me feel so sophisticated. I was thirty-nine at the time, and teaching classes at Center for Life Enrichment in the Guilford College location, and was half-way through a course on…hmmm…probably on inner child healing as that was a lot of what I did back then, and when I showed up with my new, more adult “do,” one of the men in the class said, “Thank you! I’m so glad you got your hair cut! You have no idea how disconcerting it was trying to attribute the profound wisdom coming out of you to the young woman with the long, blond hair whose lips were moving!”

So, perhaps, in my role as teacher, the crone persona fits better. Not that young people can’t be amazingly wise—especially the “new” ones coming in these days—the indigo children and the crystal children, etc. But the youth factor, at least for now, might just be somewhat of a handicap in getting some people to take you seriously. Perhaps a wizened, zaftig, mother-type is more suited to people’s ideas of someone who has something to offer them—more suited to my mission. I know that the bright, vivacious young woman in my picture box had much to contribute, but she wasn’t capable of what my middle-aged self is. She was wise in her way, but she was also unsure of herself, frequently angst-ridden, and not nearly experienced enough to be able to do what the crone can. So I send my love to her from where I’m sitting now, and wonder if, being that time is an illusion, it will somehow help that thin, pretty young woman become the ripened, rounded, wiser, joyful me that I am at 51. I hope so—I know she really wants to be, even if she probably wouldn’t choose the fat part!

“It’s the action, not the result that is important,” God tells her. “Your work is having an effect, Joan.”

I confess that I choked up and shed a tear on that one—it felt like God talking to me. (You know that God In You uses any medium at her disposal to get a message through.) It is no secret that I sometimes wonder if what I am doing has an effect. You know how your ego mind LOVES evidence, and when it doesn't see it, it has a hard time believing that anything is happening. I’ve talked about that on the blog before. Most times, I have full faith in the process unfolding in the unseen realms. Other times, my left brain won't believe it without proof. And when I let my small self be in charge, I feel like I have to be doing something large and dramatic to make a difference. I’d be surprised if you haven’t felt that way at least now and then, too. But the show reminded me of the power of the simplest of actions, taken in response to an instruction from God In You. Like the pebble that makes a tiny splash, but whose ripples move out to encompass the whole pond, everything we do makes a difference. Everything. And if it’s done in Love, then the effect is magnified exponentially. Kudos to Joan of Arcadia's writers.

Make sure you read Lisa Dale Miller’s commentary on this month’s new moon. It is not only powerfully insightful, it’s really well written. Even if you are not conversant in astrological lingo, you will have no trouble comprehending every idea in this. And it’s SO right on!

Today I walked around the backyard gardens and noticed that almost all the perennials are way ahead of “schedule” for leafing out. We’ve had such a mild month or so, the plants are sure it’s spring. This is always a challenge for me because it makes me want to get started on gardening and it’s really too soon to do much. But I won’t complain over signs of rebirth and renewal!

Today I did something I believe can only be attributed to a need to nurture my inner child. I got a Frappuccino at Starbucks, brought it home, and popped some popcorn to go with it. Strange combination? Maybe. But for “Sweet Julie,” my inner child, it was like going home.

When I was growing up, our traditional Sunday night supper was popcorn and milkshakes in front of the TV while watching Lassie and The Ed Sullivan Show. My mom routinely made a large Sunday meal for right after church, which usually meant fried chicken with rice and gravy, etc., etc. So we were always pretty well stuffed from that, and she, having exhausted her desire to prepare food for the day, turned the feed-the-family duties over to my dad for Sunday supper. His solution? His specialties: popcorn, popped on the stovetop with an old-fashioned crank popper, and milkshakes, made with vanilla ice milk and Hershey’s chocolate syrup. (And no, the $4 Frappuccino and the microwave popcorn didn't even come close!) Some of my most powerful memories of childhood (as, I’m sure, were yours) were attended by flavors and smells of food, and the popcorn and milkshake nights are definitely way up there when I remember what it felt like to be a part of a family, have few worries, and be content. That dinner may not have been high in the nutritional department, but it was certainly high in the soul-nourishing department! Yes, the popcorn and milkshakes were delicious, but the family aspect of it was the real substance.

Normally, I do my best to avoid hydrogenated fats, sugar, and simple carbs of all kinds as I find they make my brain fuzzy and my body, not only fat, but lethargic, stiff and achey. Yucky stuff. But lately, I’ve noticed myself sliding on that count a lot. Inner children are natural rebels, I have found, and too many rules and restrictions and too much seriousness are the seeds of inner-child rebellion. So what was going on with me today that I needed to rebel from my dietary rules and recreate that feeling? Why was I needing to feel that sense of carefree contentment? That feeling of security, simplicity, and belonging? I’m not completely sure, but I’ve been dialoging with Sweet Julie to get some clues. I know that she feels overwhelmed with the amount of time I spend thinking about things that feel threatening to her. After all, she’s at least partly an ego entity, and I spend a lot of time thinking about and writing about rising above ego.

But I think even more germaine is that one of my inner child’s most consistent issues over the years is the yearning to fit in—to be considered “normal.” Well, that’s not ever really going to happen—at least, not to be considered “normal” in the duality matrix. But I spent the first several decades of my life trying to do just that. I have always known I was “different” in my thinking, but wanted desperately to be accepted—not to deny who I was, but to be accepted, if not because of who I was, in spite of it. I wanted the best of both worlds. But one of those worlds is getting more and more challenging to hang out in. The last couple of days brought exposure to the “outside world” and it was more of a challenge than it used to be—or maybe I have less tolerance for it right now. In my daily routine of semi-isolation, it’s so easy to shoot way up in frequency—so much so that relating to people that seem to be sleepwalking is hard. But the thing is, I can’t achieve what I came here to do—and neither can you—by exclusivity. I can’t expect inclusion from other Earthlings—can’t expect them to embrace me where I am, if I can’t feel inclusion myself—if I can’t fully embrace them where they are. After all—the whole point of this mission is to end separation and return to Oneness! Clearly, it’s easy to do this work in a vacuum. We could ascend tomorrow if we isolated ourselves and had the intention to do so. But we came here to lift up humanity, and as I’ve said so many times, “the yeast can’t raise the bread until its mixed into the dough.”

I’m sure with these recent experiences of not being able to relate as well to others, Sweet Julie has been feeling more alienated than ever, when what she wants is to feel acceptance—going both ways. What better metaphor for her than popcorn and a milkshake to say, “I want to be like everyone else. I want to feel a part of a warm, loving family. I want to go Home.” Oh, how happy she will be when there is a whole group of us hanging out together! Is it mid-May yet???!

(By the way, “Sweet Julie” was so named by the therapist I was working with when I first started intensively doing inner child work because she wanted me to stop thinking of my inner child with disgust, and figured if she named her “Sweet Julie,” it would be easier for me to love her. So that’s been her name ever since.)

I keep coming back to a particular challenge over and over again. I try not to see it as a stumbling block—just a major opportunity. Here’s the thing: Recreating Eden is describing a whole new paradigm. And one that doesn’t dovetail all that successfully with the current one! What I mean is that anything I teach relative to it requires an entirely new mindset and set of assumptions/understandings on the part of the people receiving the teaching. Those of you who have read the book can probably see what I mean. These are not difficult to comprehend, but it does require being provided with the whole picture to create the necesssary new gestalt. Why do I bring this up at this particular time?

I’ve been writing a magazine article on Joy, for people who may or may not have read the book—my assumption is that the vast majority will not have—and I find that there are building blocks to the understandings that have to be put into place before certain things can be understood—before they really make sense. This isn’t a problem when you’re writing about something that fits into the world the way we’ve been perceiving it—into the duality matrix. Everybody already has a foundation in it, so there’s not as much background to provide and you can launch right into the topic at hand. But when you’re describing a whole new ballgame, with all-new rules, it’s pretty important that people see the bigger picture so they don’t try to apply what you’re saying to the old game. Even people who have been on the spiritual path for eons likely haven’t entirely grokked the “world according to Recreating Eden” if they haven’t read it. While there’s much in it that’s familiar, how things fit together is different, and there’s a new gestalt that requires some familiarizing. Of course, I can certainly provide all the background for people, and explain about how and why we left Eden, and how we’re designed, and how we can get back to Eden, etc.—it’s just that magazine articles have word count guidelines, and explaining everything takes up a lot of words! It doesn’t leave as much space for the specifics I’m wanting to concentrate on.

Still, the important thing is that people understand the basic message—that they wake up to the new ballgame. The very human aspects of me just sometimes wish that foundational education part of things was already handled so that I would have more opportunity for communicating about the nuances of living the return to Eden and all the interesting adventures involved in the ascension process. (Hey—I guess that’s what this blog is for!) As more and more people read the book and comprehend what it really says, it will be easier for me to talk about related topics without retelling the basics. I dream of having a gatherings of people who have all read the book, comprehended the entire picture, and are living the process, so that we can share at higher levels without any need to start with the basics. Meantime, I will continue to outline them as much as possible, and I’m sure in the doing of that lies much education for me, too! It is my honor and privilege.

We went to hear my eldest stepdaughter's choral concert this evening. It also happened to be her 19th birthday, but with her schedule, we won't get to celebrate it with her for a few more weeks. (She's the one that has the lead in the community theater production and was just in a play at school AND has choral stuff galore going on, etc.) She is in the music program at the University of Denver. She had a solo tonight and did a beautiful job. She has the voice of an angel--which shouldn't be surprising--she IS one! I am truly blessed to have four amazing stepdaughters that I get along with so splendidly!

I had a vivid dream last night—a couple of them, actually, but it’s one in particular that I want to share. I wish I had written it down when I got up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night, but I think I remember the gist of it well enough to convey the point.

In the dream, I was driving in, what I figured out after commencing to drive it, was a specially equipped car. There were no outward indications on the dashboard that it was special in any way, no labels or markings. It looked like a normal car with all the normal controls—steering wheel, brakes, etc. Somehow, I sensed that the car could drive itself and that I was not to touch the steering wheel—BUT, since there were no outward reassurances of this, I had a hard time keeping my hands off the wheel. I was driving on a dirt road with ruts and ditches on either side and it was kind of scary. When I allowed the car to drive itself, it was a smooth ride, and the car navigated itself perfectly and the many ruts were avoided. But for seemingly no reason other than the fact that there were no signs anywhere in the car saying “This car will drive itself. Do not touch the controls,” I freaked out and grabbed the wheel. When I did, it went straight to the ruts and bounced up and down, jarring me severely. When I let go of the wheel, it returned to the smooth, self-guided path. But I just couldn’t seem to trust that it would drive itself even though it was clear that it could. Ultimately, when I couldn’t keep my hands off the wheel, the car ended up stuck in the road-side ditch. That’s all I remember. But I guess that’s enough!

Is that a classic dream, or what?! The funny part is that I totally forgot about it until sometime this afternoon when I was fretting about “what to do next” and trying to figure out how to engineer some opportunities to get the message out. I had to shake my head when I realized what I was doing and what the dream was trying to tell me. What a habit we are in with trying to run our lives! “Engineer some opportunities.” Sounds like old paradigm stuff to me! I had given the “provide opportunities” job over to universal forces, therefore, it is no longer up to me. Yes, I am to follow up on opportunities when presented, but engineering them is not following up! When you give a job to universal forces to do, you need to take your hands off the wheel and just go along for the ride instead of continually grabbing the wheel! It’s just so darn hard for the left brain to trust that sometimes not doing is more effective than doing! Everything we’ve been taught says that we have to “make our own breaks” and basically, that if we want to succeed, we have to be in the driver’s seat. This is a whole new paradigm I’m living now and the old stuff just simply won’t work.

So what’s a person to do while waiting for those opportunities to present themselves? Love. Love. Love. Have a Love affair with Spirit. Do you know that that is truly all we have to do? It is! Remember what the master teacher, Jesus, had to say relative to energy and time management? “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matt. 22: 37) If my mind were completely occupied with communing with and loving my Spirit, and following Spirit's guidance in the moment, I would not have room or time to be trying to engineer anything! It’s that pesky ego that has to grab the wheel. It’s the habituated mind that thinks if it’s not cooking up stuff, nothing will happen. It’s a whole new world we’re being asked to create and it won’t happen if we don’t change our minds and our “m.o.”s.

The other dream had to do with Bill Clinton, some other world leaders, a summit meeting in a modest little clapboard house (that somehow I ended up going to), and C.J. from “West Wing.” Crazy stuff. I’ll pass on trying to analyze that one for now!

Oh yeah--after I wrote about Amazon being out of books last night, today they were back to "usually ships within 24 hours," and I can tell by the change in sales rank that they've been selling some today, so they must have gotten in more books already. There's no point in second-guessing, I suppose!

Ever since Midwest Book Review mentioned the term “Christian” in the glowing review they did of Recreating Eden, and especially since theirs became a “spotlight review” on Amazon, I’ve been wondering if it is turning anyone off. And I’ve also wondered if I’ve been needlessly concerned about people mistaking it for being a religious book. Because—and those of you who have read Recreating Eden know this—it is not a specifically Christian book. It is not a religious book, but if it were, it would be classified as ecumenical.

As far as I know there is nothing in it that would automatically exclude it as a Christian book, either. After all, it does quote Jesus a few times, and briefly discusses his amazing sacrifice in dipping back down into the duality matrix to blaze an energy trail for us. And, truth be told, Recreating Eden pretty much restates the message Jesus was trying to get across but that only a few really got. My feeling is that the ascended master that was Jesus had a lot of input into the writing of Recreating Eden (if that sounds crazy, so be it). I do realize the part where the concept of human beings as God in human form is discussed would be a hugely off-putting thing to (most) fundamentalists!

But I have heard through Rick that a fundamentalist Christian borrowed his friend’s copy and loved it so much, he just went ahead and gave her the book before he even had a chance to read it himself (and this was someone who bought the book, not someone I gave a copy to). In fact he asked Rick if it was a Christian book because he was so surprised at how much this person loved it. Too, this summer when I was doing a booksigning at a bookstore in Michigan, a retired Methodist minister came in and bought a copy. I heard later from the bookstore manager that he had been in again and had made a point of telling her how much he liked it. Therefore, I guess it’s not altogether impossible that it fits in the Christian genre, at least marginally.

So, when I read the other day that Christian bookstores will only buy books that have a special designation, and that we could apply for one to expand our market potential, AND, wanting to make sure the message is spread as far and wide as possible, I asked my contact at our main distributor if we ought to seek the designation. (I’m not naming the type of designation or the distributors involved as I don’t particularly want to stir anything up in case someone is searching for those terms on Google.) At first she thought that might be something for us to do, but then I asked her if she thought metaphysical bookstores might be put off by it and she thought I should check with a few of my friends who are metaphysical bookstore owners to see if it would be a factor when they were going through the catalogs. But THEN, she revealed the kicker, and I realized that I wouldn’t need to bother checking. She said that the company that distributes to the Christian bookstores, and is also the largest regular distributor going, actually keeps the designated Christian books in a separate room! She inferred—with thinly veiled disdain—that it was to keep them from being tainted by the “regular” books! That was enough of a clue for me. I will not be seeking the special designation for Recreating Eden. While it may seem a little far out, just seeing the word separate made me know that we don’t want to be a part of that!

I do feel that there are many Christians—as well as Jews, Muslims, Pagans, Buddhists, and people of all religions and of no religion—who are meant to read Recreating Eden and whose encoded memories will fire upon reading it and who will embrace the message and know it is for them. But when they find it, I guess it won’t be in a Christian bookstore!

Speaking of Amazon.com--they have sold out of Recreating Eden again, but in my above-mentioned conversation with the distributor rep., I found out that another shipment of 11 books is headed to Amazon today (Tuesday), so even though Amazon now says "usually ships in 11 to 14 days," it won't take that long. Also, BarnesandNoble.com has copies in stock and will ship within 24 hours. And of course, if you order it through our website, we will get it out to you faster than that! AND, the author will sign it for you if you like. (wink) You never know--it may be collectible some day...

On another note, wooohoooo! It's March! The month when Spring begins.