Julia: October 2004 Archives

Tonight was the lunar eclipse. Tonight the Red Sox defied "the curse" and won the World Series. Tonight I realized how oddly fortunate we are to be able to watch the polarity play we call the U.S. Presidential Election.

I have spent a lot of time bemoaning the symptoms of polarization that have surfaced as a result of duality working itself out, but tonight I had a different vision--I realized how perfect it all is. I'd had that intellectual realization before, but it really sunk in this evening. Yes, one has to look at things from a higher perspective to view it this way, but if you look at it all as being a necessary dynamic--if you see it as something that has to happen before we are able to cycle back to greater harmony and Oneness, a case can be made for celebrating the extreme polarity that is so evident. Perhaps it's a sign that things are resolving. Not a comfortable sign, but a sign nonetheless. As I wrote in Recreating Eden, maybe duality is an experiment the Creator devised to see just how misaligned and how far away from the core of Itself Its constituent parts could move before they were catapulted back to center.

Of course, nowhere is the high contrast of duality easier to see in all its "glory" than in the current election season. And perhaps in no other situation is it more tempting to participate in duality--to invest your passion in it. It is quite the challenge not to view the whole thing as a struggle of good vs. evil. But the truth is, to climb up out of the duality matrix, a new view is required: the players are actually neither “good” nor “evil” but they are all just God, personifying varying manifestations—indeed, in some cases, extremes—of duality according to the script. Even as I write that and know it is true, I feel my “righteous” anger at the smears and slander, the lies being told, and the plots, both unconscious and conscious, to undermine democracy, and yet I know that my anger, no matter how righteous, feeds the beast and causes polarity to intensify. And while extreme polarity may be a necessary outworking, I don’t feel it is right for me to feed it. So I do my best to watch this play with an awareness that my role, because of my awareness of it, is to simply observe with great interest, but deny the urge to buy into the notion that things have gone very wrong. Because while something is very wrong at one level, at the highest level, all is in Divine Order. And it is fascinating, indeed. What a show!

"23","No Carole King","Today around noon we had a Kerry volunteer come to our door and she told us that Carole King would be playing a free concert about a mile from our house. We'd gotten an automated call from C.K. inviting us to a rally/volunteer meeting not far from our house, so this seemed entirely plausible. While I'd planned to be a vegetable most of the day, that was enough to motivate me to snap into action and get dressed. Well...when we got to the place, there was a Democratic Party gathering (a couple of tables set up and some lawn signs to be had, etc.) and a band--but not Carole King and not much of a crowd. So we left and went to Rick's office where he needed to change a backup tape and then went back to see if C.K. was there yet. Nope. They were out of Kerry-Edwards campaign buttons, too.

BUT, we did reconnect with a guy whom we had met last winter at a John Edwards Meetup. He is from Raleigh and is living in Denver now. Turns out he's been quite busy--he was tapped to drive Edwards' staffers around a couple of times when they've been here on campaign stops and is now apparently involved as a local organizer in the Kerry campaign. He was quite busy and darting here and there in his "official" capacity so at one point in our conversation when he abruptly left to take care of something, we went into the store (this was in the Safeway parking lot) and picked up some things we needed and headed home. Once home, we discovered he had called and left a message saying he was sorry we left without him getting to say goodbye. I will email him--I mean, how many Raleigh folks living in Southeast Denver could there be? It would be nice to maintain at least a loose connection. Hopefully, he'll be assigning us to drive people to the polls on Nov. 2. We volunteered since we have a mini-van.

Just realized that I totally did not think to ask him if Carole King had been there!

I had yet another intellectual understanding go "ka-chunk" yesterday and and become a part of my modus operandi. It feels so wonderful to "own" this piece of the puzzle. I'm feeling quite authentically empowered because of it, and am eager to see how it will affect what I can create as I integrate it more fully into my daily way of interfacing with life.

I’ve had some breakthroughs over the last few days—some “aha!” moments—and feel very pleased about that. Though none of this was totally new in concept to me, it was simply that the thoughts made that magical journey from intellectual ideas to real knowing. Integrating the new understandings and acting out of them is the task now and so far, it’s going pretty well!

The angry friend from the previous posts is to thank for much of the new insight—not because of what he said, but because the way he said it was so off-putting, I was easily able to see that staying involved would be soul-damaging and counterproductive, it allowed me to detach from the whole scenario, look at the aspects of myself that created it, and then just let it all go instead of getting bogged down in it. His harsh approach to me turned out to be a gift as I was able to simply say, “No! No more. I will not engage in “spiritual” mind games.” If someone doesn’t get what I’m about, okay. No amount of arguing will change that! Only Love will, if it’s meant to be changed, and it’s hard to stay immersed in a consciousness of Love when the ego wants to protect, defend, and be right. It’s so important to honor the path of another, regardless of our opinion of it!

On a mundane note, I made a LOT of spaghetti sauce today and a couple of big pans of lasagna. It was the first time I had made lasagna with brown rice lasagna noodles and it turned out wonderfully well. The girls (my stepdaughters) loved it and said they couldn’t tell it wasn’t “regular.” It feels good to have at least 5 new meals in the freezer and the leftovers from tonight’s dinner to look forward to for lunch tomorrow…

What a day! It began with another email from the friend I wrote about last time who had pushed my “ow-y” buttons. This morning’s message brought severe criticism and accusation, cloaked in the guise of “spiritual advice.” Happily, while it didn’t feel particularly great, I did not allow the words to wound me as they might have because when I read them, I was still buzzing with energy from the night before (which I’ll explain in the next paragraph) and so was able to see them with proper perspective, and I recognized the issues he was dwelling on were as much or more his than mine. I am, of course, more than willing to do the necessary open-hearted soul-searching to see what my contribution to this was, why I drew it to me, and already probing it all to see what the gift in it is. The harsh and highly judgmental way he presented it, however, made it so clear that he was not, indeed, coming from the aspects of himself that I would be willing to engage with or take any advice from! I did let him know that it wouldn’t be productive to continue the conversation right now. Anytime something devolves into what amounts to mind games—no matter how spiritually cloaked—it’s time to back off and if there is more conversation to be had, to do so when both parties are coming from a cleaner, clearer place.

It was a real blessing that I had spent the late afternoon and evening yesterday doing a booksigning and talk in Manitou Springs. It was at Vision Quest Healing Field Books and Clinic. What a special place! The energy is beautiful and Richard and Cynthia who own it are such lovely beings. I really enjoyed giving my talk and afterward the few that had come stayed for another hour discussing the book and what I had shared. Lots of affirmation about my message and my mission being right on target. It was as if my Spirit was saying “Julia! Listen to me and the affirmations I’m showering on you--not to someone contradicting what I’m telling you!” It was a delight to partake of such an authentic, open-hearted, loving exchange and I left excited about today when I knew we’d be able to continue the lovely connection in the afternoon in the workshop I offered.

The workshop was powerful, with the same small group from my talk, and I believe it was made so in large part because we were all openhearted and had established such a strong connection the night before, which expedited things since we had already gotten the initial energy-blending out of the way. When the workshop (4 hours) ended, everyone hung around and there was talk of staying together and going out to eat, etc., and I was torn because it felt so wonderful to be together, but I was pretty fried and just needed to go on and drive the 90 minutes home, spend time with Rick before he hit the hay, and mellow out. So that’s what I did.

There were some really cool “signs and wonders” today but I’m too wiped out to write about them now. Suffice to say that Spirit went out of “her” way to show me I am loved and on the right track!

Tonight, I’m working intensively with the integration of the small, wounded me with the more enlightened me. Reading back over that, it's not a particularly incisive comment! I guess doing that is pretty much the whole challenge when you’re on the path. But sometimes it is more acute than others. A friend has pushed quite an ow-y button (or did I push it myself?) and I’m challenged to somehow express my wounded inner child to release the stuck energy there by sharing with him what I’m feeling, and to operate at a higher level at the same time. Oh, how much easier it is to be at a higher frequency when your inner child isn’t stirred up!

I read a theory that your inner child represents your ego. I don’t think that’s the whole story on the inner child, but I certainly see that my inner child has a powerful ego component. And I’m really experiencing that tonight! I am thankful that this whole issue, however uncomfortable it is, has come up. Obviously, there is much instruction in the situation. Clearly, the sore spot it is a place within myself that is not as evolved as it needs to be.

The encouraging part is that until a sore spot makes itself clearly known, it is not as easy to heal. While rising in frequency can heal things spontaneously, there are some aspects of your woundedness that are to be mined for valuable insights. I will be asking this particular hurtful place in myself to offer up its gifts so that I can partake of them, appreciate them, and set them free so that I can travel with one less piece of baggage.

Meantime, owwwwww.

Tonight I decided to meditate and pray just before the 3^rd presidential debate and I was starkly aware of being pulled into duality. I wanted to pray for "my guy" to win. I found myself wanting to pray for what I believe is right. I found myself wanting to pray for the outcome that I believed was the “righteous” outcome. But I realized that, in a very real sense, that is not mine to judge. In the end, I raised my frequency, connected to the Unified Field and radiated Love to empower Wholeness, Harmony, and Oneness, and for both men to be empowered to serve the Truth and the Light, without putting my own personal spin on what that might look like; how it ought to play out.

I think that it is so important that we learn to rise above judgment mode when we wish to affect the creative process in a helpful way. I believe that the way to authentically be of service is to connect with the Divine Design for Wholeness and empower it without trying to put our spin on it. In fact, I don't believe we actually can empower Wholeness when we're in judgment. So often we’re so sure that we know what will serve the highest possibilities—and we just plain don’t. What I believe we must do is empower the matrix for Harmony and let Infinite Wisdom sort out the details.

I won’t tell you that I wasn’t sucked right back into the old “right/wrong” forcefield again during the debate. I won’t tell you I wasn’t rooting for one candidate over the other. I was. While I aspire to the time when I will be unmoved by duality, that day has not yet come and this election is testing me constantly as to whether I can walk my talk. I’m happy to report that, though I often have a foot in each world, I’m staying conscious and aware of the pulling effects of duality and my response to it. I’m finding that by doing so, it becomes less and less easy to act contrary to what I know will take me higher and closer to Home. Perhaps I will even be able to rise above this whole election process and quit feeding the drama with my energy--to break the addiction to the concept of "win/lose." It might not be before November 3^rd, though. But I’m open to the possibility…

If I had the pulpit that Oprah does, I believe I might initiate a global—or at least a national—campaign to get people to look each other in the eyes and smile at one another. I am saddened that so many of us seem so defended these days that smiling at a stranger in public is not as commonplace as it once was. Today I was shopping and encountered about twice as many folks who seemed completely withdrawn behind the invisible, portable walls they had erected as there were those who seemed openhearted with a ready smile and willingness to shine. I realized that Earth life has taken a toll—the details of which I can only imagine, but I believe that staying engaged and connected in Love with their fellow human beings would heal a lot.

Maybe the lack of willingness to connect can be attributed to that old amnesia thing—that failure to remember that we are One. Okay, I guess all of humanity’s issues pretty much can be related back to that! Maybe it’s that, combined with fear—but is it a named fear or an insidious, underlying unnamed fear that makes people move through the world in isolation, deflecting the warmth of a smile; pretending that no one else is walking past?

When I first moved to Denver, I was struck with this phenomenon, and was bewildered that my friendliness was not reciprocated as often as I had been used to back in North Carolina. Someone who had been here awhile explained to me that this is an area with a large transient population—lots of newcomers and lots of folks who come here expecting magic but who become disillusioned and soon move on, and that perhaps that is why they are so defended. I kind of figured it was because I was born and reared in the South and the people are, by and large, more openhearted where I spent my first 43 years. I guess all of the above could factor into my perception. I think, however, whatever the details, the truth lies in the overall increased polarity of these recent times and the lack of awareness of our connection.

I have overcome my temptation to retreat behind a similar wall to protect myself from the feelings of rejection that always come when you feel your love is not received. (Indeed, one of the most deeply wounding experiences I’ve ever known is having my love rejected--I think that's a universal phenomenon.) Maybe those people walking along in a zombie-like fashion are doing so because they’ve had their own love rejected one too many times and have decided, either consciously or unconsciously (probably the latter) that the way to prevent that in the future is not to risk it again, especially in public, with a person they don’t know. So they draw in their light and hide, albeit, in plain sight. I've decided that taking any of it personally is a recipe for terminal depression, not to mention, the way to perpetuate the illusion of separateness.

Refusing any temptation to withdraw in a similar fashion in response to their unwillingness to connect is, I believe, the test of a “spiritual warrior.” Letting Love radiate unconditionally; doing your job as a radiator of Love without allowing your smaller self to take personally whatever comes back from doing so (whether it feels good or doesn’t feel good!) is what we are called to do in these days of seeming disconnection. I believe it’s the very path back to Wholeness and Harmony--and the knowledge of our Oneness--for all of us. And sometimes, I find that a heartfelt smile and a blast of Love will penetrate the wall right then and there.

Tonight, Rick and I went to a MoveOn PAC local organizational meeting. When we arrived, there were only a few others there, but we found out that they run those meetings every day in multiple places around Denver and that they often have 25 or more at the meetings. We are committed to pitching in in various ways (calls, door-to-door) including driving voters to the polls on Nov. 2. This is the first time either Rick or I have felt passionately enough about an election to roll up our sleeves and do more than just donate money (save for walking a neighborhood for a Colo. state senate candidate in 2000, and a couple hours of phone banking that I put in for him).

The MoveOn staff member was amazing. A young man in his mid-to-late twenties, he had taken 3 months off from his regular career to do this. Very committed, articulate, and full of energy, he told us he'd been averaging 4 hours sleep per night for a couple of months. (Rick later commented to me that he is at that age when you are willing to give everything you have in terms of physical, mental, and emotional energy right down to the very last drop because you know you can always recoup it later. I remember feeling invincible like that!)

Interestingly, he was an angel. Or so I determined. He was so amazingly clear and radiant! His energy was beautiful; his eyes, so bright; and his gaze, gently penetrating. It was quite heartening and inspiring to see someone like that doing what he is doing. If there are even a few others like him (and I believe there may just be legions!) working within the system to catalyze change, I have even greater certainty that we will be able to shake loose from the disharmony matrix and recreate Eden!

Was all uptight the last few days about getting my database together to mail out the newsletter. Because I didn’t really understand how to do it, tension set in. You know, that underlying feeling of discomfort you have when facing the unknown, knowing you have to do something you’ve never done before. Even knowing that I am married to a computer wiz, I let my apprehension get to me. Silly. Very silly. Rick exported my address book to Excel in about 30 seconds, and I cleaned up the list to be sure (as sure as possible) that no one who wouldn’t appreciate it would receive Rising Times (name of the n.l.), added a few email addresses that I had collected from people in various places that were interested in Recreating Eden and me, and voila! In about a half an hour, the mailing list is ready. Sheesh. All that worry for that???

What the heck is it about human beings that makes them so worried about the unknown? About doing things they’ve never done before? Always worrying they’re not up to the task if they’ve never done it before? I KNOW! It is the ego, recognizing that it is not omniscient, and, furthermore, forgetting that there is, not only an omniscient aspect of us, but an omnipotent aspect as well! How much less stress-filled would life be if we would take it easy and trust that whatever needs to be done will easily get done because Spirit will handle it and either show us how to do it or send someone to do it for us if we allow that as a reality? How much more joyful could we be if we did not always have that nagging worry that we are not enough to get done what needs to get done; if we had the peace and confidence of expecting Spirit to come through for us in small matters as well as large? And without having to get desperate first?

Of course, I realize that everyone does not have a computer wiz living in the house with them, but everyone does have the capability to easily manifest the help they need by believing it to be so. When I was so sick many years ago in Japan, an anonymous angel put issue after issue of Guideposts Magazine in my mailbox and it was a lifeline for me. It was full of superb stories of faith—of Spirit coming through for people when they just had faith.

The energy we invest in our ego’s fears; in thinking that they, incompetent as they are at so many tasks that Spirit can so easily handle, might somehow fail, is substantial. What might we accomplish if we just stopped worrying and started trusting completely? When you really think about it, dancing to the ego’s tune can not only make you crazy, it turns you into an underachiever!

Well, the conversation continued today with the friend who had some issues with my election article, and it got me thinking about the challenge of trying to communicate anything without using any judgment-oriented words—to have a completely judgment-free conversation in the duality zone in which we live! While at first, it seems a noble aspiration, it is, on further examination, quite impossible! My dear (and brilliant) husband, Rick, pointed out to me that when it is possible to have a completely, 100% judgment-free conversation, it will mean we are back in Eden and out of duality.

My definition of “judgment” is pretty broad—what I mean by judgment is descriptions of things relative to other things, not just obvious moral indictments like “good/bad.” Superlatives, for example, like “higher/lower,” “faster/slower,” “lighter/darker” are perfect judgment vehicles! What comes to mind are the standard wedding vows, “For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer.” We hope for better, and for richer, don’t we? But what do “better” and “richer” do but set us up to judge our circumstances accordingly? Our entire language, descriptive of the concepts of our culture and the very matrix in which we currently dwell, is built on opposites. On comparison. On judgment.

Even things that don’t intrinsically imply judgment can be employed in our judgments, like light and dark, high and low, increase and decrease, and, in this election year, even right and left are utilized in our judgments! What I am learning is that even when you intend no judgment, someone else can perceive judgment in your words based on prejudices they have about the words you use. It’s a challenge to speak in terms that are totally neutral and still convey a concept as our language is so loaded!

I believe the best we can do (notice that “best” is a judgment!) is do all we can to choose to communicate in as neutral terms as possible and keep the intent of unity and oneness-consciousness at the forefront of our minds as we select our words (without going bonkers doing it!). As we do so, and as we radiate Love (which requires no language) we will rise in frequency and leave the realm of duality, and its loaded language behind.

I learned a grand lesson last night after working for over an hour on my blog entry for yesterday (notice there IS no blog entry for yesterday!): Never click a tab at the top of the page without saving what you’ve written first! So from now on, MS Word will receive the first drafts of my blogging!

Seems a pity, too, that what I wrote went into a black hole. I had some profound realizations to share but find that I no longer have the impetus to say them—at least not enough to write them all out again. I guess, based on that, they were better unshared! It did occur to me that some of the ideas were somewhat controversial and perhaps would be stirring a hornet’s nest…

Since yesterday, I’ve been carrying on a conversation with someone who wrote me out of concern that my use of the term “the serpent” in the article on Election 2004 is vilifying a creature that doesn’t deserve to be vilified. I fully agree that reptiles are not evil! It was my mistake to make the assumption that everyone understood that the serpent of which I was speaking was the mythological character from the story of “The Fall.” In addition, this person felt I was saying that the human reptilian brain was “bad” and that this reference was creating divisiveness—and yet another reason not to accept and love a part of our humanity.

I had to think long and hard about that. It has truly been a focus of mine to make it very clear—in Recreating Eden, particularly—that looking at things as “bad” or “good” is folly. I have been scrupulous not to couch things in terms of “bad” and “good,” I truly do not wish to polarize with my ideas and articles—indeed, anything but—however, we are, indeed, living in duality, and to change that, we need to start where we are. Describing the current state of things seems to me an important step in moving up out of it and closer to unity.

I am sure that I am not 100% guilt free when it comes to disowning shadow aspects of myself, but truly, I am not condemning our reptilian brains as “evil”—indeed, it is the very part of us that keeps our hearts beating! I’m simply saying that this most primitive portion of the human brain contains our most primitive, frequency-lowering urges and is not the aspect of our being that is likely to lead us to the higher frequency realm of peace and joy!

Please know that I am always open to sincere questioning about what I put out to the world. While I would be lying if I said that I always love being called on something, I do always know it is important that I take a look at the issues that someone may have about what I have said and examine myself to be sure I’ve been true to the truth as I can discern it. That is something that I pledge to be scrupulous about—being as accurate as possible in scribing the teachings I’m given from the higher realms and making as sure as I can that the filter of my own personality does not put a smudge on it—and when it does, to polish it off until it shines again.

Boy, oh, boy. It’s a challenge not to try and edit these blog entries to perfection! After so many years of writing copy, and so many years of writing a book that went from many hundreds of pages to just 168, I’m quite the editor. But I would never come near the blog if I knew it had to be that perfect. So I will leave this intact with whatever warts it may contain and let it fly…More soon!

This is my first blog entry ever! Seems like blogging may be just the thing for someone like me who always has a LOT to say and no regular forum to say all she’d like to. You know—a place to ramble where people can read or not read all the stuff this extrovert needs to say so she’ll know what she knows—and doesn’t know. It seems a great way to get things down on…well…not down on paper, but down before they evaporate and go the way of so many unrecorded thoughts! So…

Yesterday, after months of hearing raves about it, husband Rick and I went to see the film What the Bleep Do We Know. I must admit for the first 20 minutes of it, I was wondering why as I’m not generally plagued with many deep questions about the nature of reality. While I certainly don’t have all the answers in my conscious mind by any means, I have received enough of the answers directly from Higher Intelligence that I don’t find myself craving answers—when I have a sincere question, I usually find a workable answer downloading into my own brain pretty soon. Indeed, that’s how Recreating Eden was born—it largely contains answers to things I’d wondered about—as well as to questions I didn’t even know I had. It’s clear to me that all the answers are available—if you know what questions to ask. That’s the trick!

But, despite my initial skepticism that there was anything in the movie for me, I found What the Bleep to be quite stimulating of new insights and that it contained several scientific animations that were really helpful in shaping what looks from here to be some new strategies that have the potential to assist my liberation from some of my stuck places—indeed, aspects of me I hadn’t thought to ask the right questions about. I’m excited about that! I think it’s an awesome resource particularly for people who are needing a nudge from the universe to start seeing things from the standpoint of being a creator instead of a victim in life. (And that seems to be just about all of us to some degree or another!)

Today I started the day by deciding it was going to be a high-energy, joyful day...and it was! Even more so than usual. I felt that my frequency stayed higher than normal all day and evening. I was inspired to do this because one of the contributors to What the Bleep said that he expressed his intentions for the day every morning with powerful results, and he said it in such a way that I felt moved to try it. I'd done similar exercises, but the way he explained it seemed a bit new and different, and it felt new and different even as I was stating my intentions. (That was an interesting challenge because I didn't remember to do it until Lilah and Roly (dogs) were already alerted that it was time to get up--they were hanging out leaning over the edge of the bed quivering with anticipation as I was focusing!) I'll be working with variations of this "state your intentions for the day" technique to see what is most effective! And, of course, I'll report on it when the time is right...