Reversing the trend

Amazing! In trying to figure out what I'll need to take with me to wear when I visit my family in NC next month, I just tried on the last pair of jeans I had outgrown in my seeming subconscious quest to have a Buddha-like figure, and I was able to get them on and zip them! A miracle! I wouldn't have even tried except that I heard a tiny whisper of encouragement to do so while looking at some jeans online, and when I dowsed to see if they would fit, the rods promised me "yes." I really wouldn't have even subjected myself to the possible disappointment if not. I don't look fabulous in them or anything--but I can zip them without straining and if I wear a non-clingy top with them, I look pretty okay!

I guess the last few weeks of dietary consciousness have actually netted results. I've a long way to go before I hit the target weight I have decided upon--not my ultimate target, but the first one to shoot for--but it would appear that I've managed to turn the trend around! That's HUGE--pardon the pun.

For so long, I have truly felt deeply compelled to be fat. Deeply. Like--when I thought about losing weight, I felt major resistance within, as if some sub-personality or another just NEEDED to be fat to serve some really important purpose. I'd think about being fat and it felt good! I couldn't even feel a desire to be thinner. No matter how much I disliked that I was growing out of yet another size of my clothes, and knowing that I was being judged for my burgeoning size, it was as if there were a more important mission being guided from within: to be a blimp.

So what has changed? I honestly don't know what internal thing has shifted. It's like my memory of whatever major inner change I made is shrouded from me. (I like to say that I don't remember because I'm just so in the moment--you have my permission to use that one the next time you can't remember what you did yesterday!)

I have done a bunch of things that have contributed, I'm sure: I chose a number I want to see on the scale and I visualize it whenever I think about it. I did some forgiveness of various events and people. I decided to be more conscious about my eating. I've stopped eating late at night, which was a pattern I'd gotten into. I watched Paul McKenna's "I Can Make You Thin" program on TLC and tapped along (EFT) with him to shift my emotional eating patterns--my eating has always been emotionally based (you can watch and follow along with the EFT videos on his site).

Suddenly, now, when I overeat, I feel horribly nauseous. I don't know of anything I've done to cause that, except to trust my Spirit to do what is needed. Oh, yeah--I did turn over the whole thing--surrendered the weight and the struggle--to my Spirit. I guess that would be the shift, huh?!

Anyway, we shall see how it goes. I really had no idea I had lost any weight at all. What a thrilling surprise! Because however much some part of me wanted to be fat, there is now a desire to be really healthy. Do you think this may be yet another part of re-learning to honor mySelf? I do.