And I Am Telling You

But am I being heard?!

I was having a perfectly lovely and pleasant day when my ego got bent out of shape about something. It did not feel good, so I got out my Release essential oil blend and breathed it in. "What is the gift in this discomfort?" I heard within. "What is the message? What is the shift you need to make?" I began to dialog with myself about it, and it boiled down to the belief that "I am not heard." This has been a lifelong pattern, and I have been in process of releasing it for years. I've even blogged about it before. I want to be heard! I love being heard! And as a writer and teacher, being heard is pretty much a requirement for success! Obviously, I am heard to a great extent, but it's as if there is a conflict within that manifests in the feeling of not being heard. And that attracts evidence of not being heard.

In the midst of this contemplation, "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" came up in my iTunes rotation. This is the song that Jennifer Hudson sang so impossibly powerfully in her astonishing performance in Dreamgirls. It's a challenge for me to listen to that without singing along, and since no one else was here, I opened up in my distinctly non-Jennifer-caliber voice and sang along with her, my angst dissolving as I sang. It is a song about being heard, actually! It felt really good, even though I am sure it probably sounded pretty strange!

If you know the song, you know it's somewhat of a "#3" set to music (if you don't know what a #3 is, see the Step-By-Step Frequency Raising System). If you don't know the song, I highly recommend either getting it from the iTunes Store, looking it up on YouTube and listening, or renting Dreamgirls to watch the whole movie. Anyway, the point is that, as I wailed along with Jennifer, I suddenly realized that my nextdoor neighbor, whose driveway is in very close proximity to my office window, might hear me, and so I turned the volume down on my voice in embarrassment over the thought of being heard.

Hmmm..."I want to be heard," and "I don't want to be heard," all in the same episode. I think there may be gold to mine in that realization. I will mull it over...

Meanwhile, Game 1 of the World Series is tonight, with the Colorado Rockies playing the Boston Red Sox. GO ROCKIES!!!