Off my stride

I can’t believe it’s been four days since my last entry! I have been off my stride* for the last few days, and I’m not exactly sure why, but I have my suspicions. I know for sure that I have been eating things that haven’t helped—from popcorn and a Coke at the movies the other afternoon, to dessert after dinner Friday night when Rick and I went out with a visiting IT guy who was in town to help Rick fix a problem at work, to pizza last night and leftover for lunch today. Sugar and other simple carbs do not improve me mentally or physically--they cause brain fog, for one thing, and brain fog does not work for me--I can't write with that kind of mental impairment. Time to clean out my system once again! There is too much I need and want to do to continue fooling around like that.

My knee has been continuing to bug me, and I believe Andrena was correct in her intuitive diagnosis (which you might have heard if you hung around after the call Tuesday night) that it’s due to issues related to fears around success. In fact, I would say it’s definitely related to a fear of moving forward. I have a journal of non-dominant-hand writings from my inner child that I’ve kept ever since I first started doing them back in the early 90s, and in the very first one, I’m asking her about my knee, which I was having problems with then as well. She said then that she was behind the knee issues and that she would not let me move forward without her. So I’ve been asking for clarification about the current problems and what I’ve gotten so far is that she’s concerned that the more successful I get, the less time I’ll have to attend to her needs, and the less we’ll be able to be at home with Rick and the dogs. I've been aware of a new level of momentum lately, and I can see why it might scare her.

I am processing that and creating a “treatment” for it, which, so far, has me doing a visualization of us walking forward together hand in hand, with Rick and the dogs walking with us. Interestingly, the image is not photographic in nature, but it’s like a child’s drawing of that scene. I have had some other ideas for healing this issue as well, and I may share them when they’re a little more developed. Meantime, I’m going to be using the visualization. I also am learning EFT to use for this situation. It feels multi-layered and I know that my inner child is behind the recent carb binge, as well. She is the one that uses food to control, and knowing that she is sabotaging my health to hold me back, I’m sure the food is involved in that as well. Of course, there’s simply that child-based emotional desire to have the “fun” foods—and consequences be damned.

I’m not sure how I will reconcile all this, but at least I have lots of tools for it. I used to lead inner child healing classes back in the 90s. In fact, I did one very popular one called “Does Your Inner Child Make You Sick?” It may be time to haul out my notes from that one and use them for myself!