Big Dream

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to how this mission of mine can be successful in light of the knowing that I really, really don’t want to do many of the things that traditional “wisdom” would say are necessary. What I keep getting is the message that the only way for me to do what needs to be done is to live the book. What does that mean? It means, among other things, that instead of doing things the “old” way, I need to do what is in line with the message in the book and aligned with the Eden paradigm; i.e.: I need to trust that Spirit’s way is easy—that if something is difficult and I really, really don’t want to do it, it is probably not aligned with the path I need to be following.

If you think that doesn’t bring my left-brain, Earth-indoctrinated, ego stuff up, you would be w-r-o-n-g!

I subscribe to Suzanne Falter Barns’ mailing list, and in her last email/ezine “The Joy Letter,”* she brought something up that really struck me. Basically, she asked “How open is your heart?” and went on to describe how, in pursuing her Big Dream, she has seen the power of opening her heart and that it didn’t fully happen until she authentically got in touch with her Big Dream and surrendered to it. (I will either link to the essay or paste it in for you when I get permission from Suzanne.)

Now, I feel like my heart’s pretty open—but is it? Am I fully surrendered to my dream? To Spirit? No, of course not. And I thought I knew what my dream was. But what exactly IS my dream? I now know that I don’t really know! I do know that I want Recreating Eden to be out there in a big way. I fervently believe that it needs to be read by many, many more people than have currently read it. The thing is, I don’t really want to do what it takes to get it out there—at least, not what the old paradigm says is the way!

I learned over the last 6 weeks or so that I really don’t want to travel here, there, and yon to have the chance to reach people with the message. I want to be at home in my garden! I LOVE to give talks—but I don’t love to deal with logistics. I crave being able to be creative with color and form—not just with words. I love designing flyers and covers of books—but I don’t want to do that full time. I want to paint and play with clay and do all the art stuff that my inner child loves. I believe there are clues in all that—clues to making my Big Dream come true—now, to find out what my Big Dream is! I think I may have an idea of what it is—but I don’t think I can share it with anyone right now, tender as it is.

In preparation for birthing a higher version of my Big Dream (and figuring out more completely what it is!), not to mention, just catching up with stuff that's been neglected, I have spent much of the weekend cleaning and rearranging things in the house (with the help of Rick). Tomorrow is carpet cleaning day—as in, I am cleaning the carpet. We have a carpet machine, which has been upstairs waiting for that day to come for many months now. Our light beige carpet is absolutely filthy, and with Lilah’s dribbles that haven’t been detected till dry, (she leaks when she gets excited), it really looks awful! So it will be with great pleasure that I look forward to shampooing the floor tomorrow.

Tomorrow is also Rick’s and my 6^th wedding anniversary. We’re planning to go back to Golden for dinner, with Rick promising that there will be no surprises involved! Happy Anniversary, dear husband!

*Suzanne is another joy-focused person! Her most recent book, I just discovered, has a daisy in the center of the “O” in JOY like my “O” has a rose in the center! Hmmm…are we related??? And her first book is titled How Much Joy Can You Stand? Sounds suspiciously like “Increasing Your Tolerance for Joy, but I swear I did not take my title from her—not intentionally, anyway!