What IS a soulmate, anyway?

Instead of continuing my “soulmate saga” tonight, I’m going to share a few thoughts about what a soulmate is. I’ve been having a related conversation with someone the last couple of days, and I’m sure she won’t mind if I share some of what I told her, plus some things that haven’t made their way into our exchange. I believe we have many soulmates in our lives—not just in the realm of romantic partners—but the kind of soulmates I’m speaking of here are a man and a woman (or same-sex partners) coming together in intimacy to share their lives together as a couple.

People seem to think that finding your soulmate means that you’ve found the rainbow’s end and that you are entering a sort-of never ending fairytale romance where everything is hunky-dory and “they lived happily ever after.” That’s not my definition after having been in what I’m absolutely certain is a soulmate relationship. The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines a soulmate as “a person temperamentally suited to another.” (By the way, they don’t recognize soulmate as a compound word, but it seems right to me, so I’m going to use it.) I’d say that definition is accurate, if not complete.

I do believe that being temperamentally suited is a baseline characteristic of a harmonious soulmate relationship—but I’m guessing some people wouldn’t even count temperament as a necessary factor in being soulmates—perhaps they’re looking more at karmic connections. I believe I’ve had those kind as well, but I’ve never characterized any relationship with a man prior to Rick as being a soulmate relationship. I know that Rick and I are remarkably temperamentally suited. While there are many aspects of each of us that are quite different from the other’s, there’s a basic compatibility and comfort level with each other that provides a stability and harmony that is quite psychologically freeing. It is certainly something that was missing in many of my prior relationships, so I have a particular appreciation for it.

What seems to me like the hallmark of a soulmate relationship—at least from where I’m sitting at the moment—is being able to maximize your spiritual growth together in ways that you could not do by yourself—being in relationship with someone who is as committed to your growth as you are to his/hers. A soulmate is a magnifying mirror, and helps you see what needs to be seen, even when it is not the most flattering reflection, and is honored to provide that for you, though it isn’t always fun. Being in a soulmate relationship expedites your journey to Oneness—oftentimes by showing you where you are being resistant to Oneness!

Something that has been powerful in Rick’s and my relationship is how healing being together is. So much of our past “stuff” has been healed by the immense Love that is generated by our being together. It didn’t even require slogging through it—though there has been a small amount of that. It’s really seemed to happen spontaneously. What a miracle! Love—ain't it amazing?!

There’s alot more to say on this subject, but it’s late and my brain is going numb, so I’m going to wrap this up for now by quoting from my email of earlier tonight to the friend with whom I’ve been talking about soulmate relationships:

“The goal, however challenging, is to LOVE GOD first—not the other person. Loving God In You IS loving the other person--the truth of them, anyway. The strongest possible relationships are two people in partnership to glorify their Love for God. And God is the perfect recipient of your Love. Just like God loves you constantly, so God also receives your Love constantly—never waffles or wavers at the responsibility of receiving your Love. As far as abandonment, God's got you covered there, too! Know that God In You will never abandon you. You might abandon "Her," but "She" will never abandon you. Therefore, if you focus all your passion to loving your Spirit, you may find that the landscape around you will change to reflect that. I believe that we learn the most rapidly in relationship, so if that's your path, there WILL be someone there to pursue your "Ph.D." in greater commitment with you when you are open to it.

Being with your soulmate means that you have found your ideal partner to grow with spiritually, and that the two of you have a deep sense of familiarity, connectedness, and destiny. It doesn't necessarily mean forever, but it means the deepest level of commitment in the NOW.”