Fifty........one!

It is almost impossible to believe that I am turning 51 today (the 27^th)! It was a big enough stretch to comprehend turning 50. Inside, I’m a still a kid with imposter syndrome, wondering when somebody’s going to bust me for impersonating an adult. Oddly, though I’ve never felt like a legitimate grownup, I’m finding more and more that the real key to success is just what I wrote in Recreating Eden—being like a little child at essence, and walking in utter faith without requiring proof to satisfy my ego along the way.

Over the last couple of days, it has come to me so clearly that it is the ego, literally, that is keeping us from the Joy of Home. I know—you may be saying, “Julia! You wrote a whole book about that, and you’re saying that you’re just now figuring that out??? How can that be?” Well, you know how it is with realizations—sometimes they have layers. Sometimes LOTS of layers. As you know, much of what is in the book was not from my own ordinary consciousness, and was news to me when it came out on the computer screen, and although the notion of ego keeping us from experiencing Paradise isn’t a new notion, it’s a new, deep knowing. As in, some things you have a clear intellectual understanding of, but you don’t own the knowledge as an integral part of yourself until much later when you test it in the laboratory of living.

And I’m being blessed with the opportunity to test out everything that’s in that book, and live it. I was told by a highly intuitive friend early on that the key to the success of Recreating Eden was in my living the book, and it seems she was right on the money with that. I was at a certain level of understanding with that, but I didn’t realize that things would be ratcheting up quite as fast as they have. Indeed, I’m having the sense that I’m truly being called to walk my talk with impeccability, or what I’m being called to do with Recreating Eden cannot truly succeed. (No pressure!) I’m finding that I cannot get away with much these days—the tolerances are tight. I suppose the “game” hasn’t changed exactly, it’s just that with a greater awareness and with having accepted the job of disseminating the message, and thus, living the message, I’m having to operate within the law—within Prime Principle—without the expectation of being cut the former amount of slack.

For example, my ego—as well as the commonly accepted wisdom in business—says that the way to measure how well the mission is unfolding is by gauging book sales. And by how many emails come in regarding the book. And by seeing how many visitors we’ve had to the website, etc. My Spirit, however, says, “Do not concern yourself with those things. Seek ye first the Kingdom (of Heaven) and all else shall be added unto you.” (Sound like anything you’ve heard before?) And, indeed, when I’m allowing my ego to get caught up in the numbers, or any kind of external evidence of response, I get caught in that conditional Joy trap. When the numbers are large, I feel Joy. When they’re not as large as I think they ought to be, I feel less-than-Joy. However, when I allow myself to listen only to my Spirit, and follow instructions step-by-step, I feel authentic Joy, no matter what the numbers say. And the irony is, when I focus more on rising in frequency and experiencing Joy, which is the feeling response to being in the realm of my Spirit (which is the selfsame place as the Kingdom of Heaven), amazing events come to light, and the book sales go up! (I only know this because I do still check every now and then when guided to!) If I put too much stock in such external evidence of success, things seem to stall out. It’s pretty cool to be living the law of attraction so dramatically so that cause and effect are so easy to see, but it’s a challenge, too. Not always fun when ego is out of control! Got to get that ego trained to completely let go and let God. That might take till I’m 52 or so… (wry grin)