November 2004 Archives

The new audio is on the homepage now. Tony (our webmaster) did a wonderful job with it. He is great to work with in general! Now, to get the tape of my talk at the New Directions church service to put on the web. I need to remember to call Rebecca!

I made yet another visit to the chiropractor today—my third in a week. I’m having a strange upper back problem—it feels like there is a hatchet buried between my shoulder blades! And there is a lot of muscle tension from it. That is an improvement—last week, I not only had that, but my atlas and axis were out, as well as my hip. So things are getting better. But I’ve never had such a stubborn problem as the “hatchet” in my back! As I recall, Louise Hay says that upper back issues are related to a feeling of not having emotional support. I will have to chew on that awhile. I have wonderful emotional support from Rick.

Often, though, I feel that what I am sharing with people in general is not being received--or if it is, perhaps not accepted. I don't know if that could be it, but it's something I've been feeling more acutely these days. For example, I’m on a natural healing email list and I often share my perspective of things—a perspective based on the Unified Field (Divine Design for Harmony and Wholeness), and frequently either get no response or a response that indicates that they are just not able to see what I see—which is perfectly okay--but frustrating to me! A few days ago, however, I advised someone at her wit’s end to call on God to provide her what she needed (not that she couldn’t have thought of that herself, but she was in one of those states where she was not able to think clearly and needed reminding), and I was pretty sure (paranoid!) that she probably blew off what I said. Today, however, she confirmed that she had done as I suggested and that she had gotten exactly what she needed. The fun part for me is that, in my advice to her, I had named three of the infinite ways God might find to provide her with what she needed, and one of the three ways IS how it manifested! That made me feel a little less like I was not being heard—it was nice having a confirmation from the person, but more gratifying was that little “wink” from Spirit!

Yes—I definitely have issues around being “heard.” I believe one of my greatest lessons must be about being true to what Spirit is moving you to do, regardless of any feedback or lack thereof. This is not a popularity contest! You have to do what you are guided to do without worrying about what effect you’re having. It is, however, an interesting challenge to write in this blog week after week and not really know who—if anyone—is reading it. And if they are, are they thinking, “Why doesn’t she talk about important stuff? I don’t want to hear what she fixed for Thanksgiving!” Or, “Why does she pontificate so much?” I guess, though, you just never know who will relate with what. If it’s what is coming up for me to say, that must be what I am to share! At any rate, I need to change some more beliefs (I've already worked on this) about being heard.

And, as always, there is so much more I could write right now, but I need to go on to bed. It’s a balmy 7 degrees outside and supposed to go down to 3 before morning. I pray that nobody has been thoughtless enough to leave their dog outside in this cold. As for my pups, they’ll be under the covers keeping my feet warm! I'm grateful for our furnace and my furry friends.

And another Thanksgiving weekend draws to a close. It’s been a peaceful one for Rick and me. Wednesday night, three out of four of my stepdaughters came over (the youngest had a stomach bug so she didn’t come) and though one of them had to hurry off to a rock-climbing competition (indoors), it was great to have them all under one roof for a few minutes anyway! Getting all those teenage girls over here at once is like herding cats. Imagine my chagrin when, the night I got back from my last trip, all four had been here a couple of hours before I arrived and I missed it! Oh, well. Lightning is bound to strike again at some point!

Thursday was pretty relaxed—had the usual crazy phone call to my sister’s house in Raleigh—she’s Thanksgiving central for the family, and as always, the phone got passed around and I was able to talk to everyone briefly. It was so raucous, most stepped outside to talk because the crowd—17, I think—was so loud. I miss my family, but not sure I am really too sorry not to be in the middle of the jolly chaos! I fixed Cornish hens for Rick and me, along with lots of yummy side dishes like shitake and oyster mushroom turkey sausage dressing, pureed celery root, endive with gorgonzola, walnuts and balsamic vinaigrette, and haricot verts—and we over-ate AGAIN. I wonder when that lesson will sink in??? I have never been deprived of food in my life, I cook really superb meals most every day, and yet I eat like it might be my last chance. Hmmm… That is something I will work with once I learn the Theta Healing techniques.

Friday, I recorded an audio piece for the website, something I’ve been meaning to do for months. It’s an introduction to the concept of recreating Eden, and it’s more than what is written on the homepage. It’s a little over three and a half minutes long. Some people will be willing to listen that long and some won’t, but it seemed important to say all that I did. I really, really would like a more powerful, more melodious voice, and the recording would probably sound better if I kept doing it over and over to perfection, but this will have to do. As it was, it took me all afternoon! There will be a button for it on the homepage in a day or two.

Saturday, I spent quite a lot of time doing small things that didn’t add up to a major accomplishment--exercised, watched some cooking shows, emailed, surfed the web, bought a gift online for my brother-in-law's and his partner's birthdays, read some, cooked dinner, etc.--but managed to fill the day. Rick and I had a lovely evening playing Scrabble--and miraculously, I won! I also finished reading Vianna’s second book, Go Up And Work With God. With all due respect, I already see parts of the process that I will change based on my perspective. Not huge changes—maybe not substantive changes, but wording changes, for sure, and some others as well. I am eager to take the class, which is next weekend, as reading the book left me with some procedural questions that I will need to have answered. What I like about it so far is that she teaches that you command God to heal. That may sound pretty uppity, but I see God as All That Is, and I’ve been commanding Universal Forces (definitely aspects of God) with great success—when I’ve been in the right state of mind. I still have my begging and pleading moments “I am a victim of God” moments, but the most amazing stuff seems to happen when I am firm and commanding. I have some great stories about that and at some point, I’ll share them!

Today, Sunday, I got up very late (was up before dawn and had a hard time getting back to sleep--but once I did, I didn't want to get up!) and after a leisurely brunch with a background of Manhattan Transfer Christmas music and a lovely, fluffy snowfall to set the mood (I love that about Colorado!), I snapped into action and started decorating for Christmas. It’s kind of early, but I have figured out that it’s too big a job to do for less than a month—I pretty much redecorate several rooms completely, except for furniture. So I’ve started decorating earlier! We won’t get a tree till later, however, as here in this very dry climate, they are crispy pretty soon after you bring them in the house. I do so love my Christmas decorations! I love creating environments and any chance I get to make things beautiful, I am a happy, happy girl.

I emailed Matty (the famous Matty of the previous blog entry) last night, but haven’t heard back from her yet. I decided she needed to read Recreating Eden and sent her a copy via their webmaster with whom I’ve exchanged a few emails. She doesn’t have a mailing address right now as she’s moving around a lot. He’s expecting to see her in Sedona soon and pledged to take it to her. I told him he should feel free to enjoy it in the meantime!

Well—I’ve got some more decorating to do before I go to bed, so I’ll sign off for now!

It’s been a interesting couple of days. Yesterday, as I was trying to ascertain how many of my blog entries Google has picked up, as well which phrases bring up the blog highest in the rankings, I ran a search for a phrase out of each blog entry just to see what I’d find. During one such search—I think the term “duality matrix” was involved—I came across an interesting website operated by some folks who are promoting a new interpretation of the Mayan calendar. That got my attention as I have always been drawn to that. In fact, I had a really cool, goosebump experience once upon a time 8 or 9 years ago when I was daydreaming of leading workshops in the Yucatan. I suddenly felt an urge to go into a different room (in someone else’s house where I was staying) and look behind the sofa. (And yes, I thought that was a little odd, but followed the guidance anyway!) There, wedged between the back of the sofa and the wall was a rubbing of a Mayan calendar that had somehow fallen behind the sofa! Anyway, I digress…

Included on the aforementioned site is the online journal/blog of a woman named Madaline Weber, a.k.a. “Matty,” who has been instrumental in getting the calendar work out to the world, and who had been traveling with Ian Lungold, the guy who teaches about this new interpretation. I got totally sucked into the story of their adventures of traveling from Sedona to British Columbia in a motor home that was constantly breaking down, and subsequent adventures in following her Spirit, I was most impressed with her amazing attitude through it all. I started reading her blog in the early afternoon, got interrupted by my trip to the chiropractor and health food store and then by preparing dinner, etc., but as soon as I could clear a space, took back up reading it after Rick went to bed. It was 1:30 a.m. by the time I finished reading the last entry she has put on the web which was dated about a week ago. (That’s why my own blog didn’t get an entry yesterday!) I just loved reading it--really, it's like being with her--because she is so open and clear and committed to letting her Spirit/Love guide her life. I felt such kinship with her and she reminded me a bit of myself except that she was a MUCH better sport during all the motorhome breakdowns, less-than-comfy sleeping arrangements, etc., than I would have been.

I highly recommend Matty’s journal as a wonderful example of adventuring with your Spirit (funny--her dog is named "Spirit") and a testament to living your faith, but just beware that it is addicting!!! (I hope she hurries up and posts some more!)

Speaking of patience—okay, so I wasn’t speaking of patience—with all the new input coming my way (cool books I want to read, addicting blogs, new understandings, new stuff I’m curious about, etc., etc.), I feel so eager to take it all in and yet, there is something internal that seems to be restricting me. For example, I received Vianna’s books in the mail yesterday before my chiropractic appt., and took the first one with me in hopes of diving in while I was there. I was ushered back to a room they don’t usually put me in, and given a heat pack for my back to loosen me up. This room, which is on the 6^th floor, has a wall of plate glass windows overlooking a park with a view of the mountains beyond. I picked up the book and started to read but within a few seconds, my eyes started burning and got blurry. So I looked out the window and my eyes were fine. I tried again to read the book and the same thing happened. I finally heard the message that I was being tooooooooo impatient to dive into things, and not doing an effective job of staying in the moment, hurrying as I was from one piece of mind candy to the next. I was told to “add another ‘a’ to impatient.” I said, “Huh???” and then I heard, “If you add an ‘a’ in the right place to ‘impatient,’ it becomes, ‘Iampatient' (‘I am patient).’” You have to love guidance with a sense of humor and a bit of the smart alec, too.

I was then instructed to forget about reading and to just breathe and enjoy the warmth of the heat on my back and the wonderful view out the window. I was also told to look up and to the right. Again, “Huh?” I figured I was about to see something exciting, but, no—after a few minutes, nothing extraordinary had come into view. It was then that I realized that I was told to look up and to the right because my neck needed to be in that position as that’s the position that hurt the least! (My neck was drastically out of alignment and had been giving me a headache for days. Yeah, I know—why did I wait so long to go see the doc?) I had to laugh! There I had been thinking something remarkable was about to happen and all it was was a pointer on what would make me more comfortable. Which, in it's own way, is remarkable. Huh?

I'm reading a really neat book called The Lineage of the Codes of Light by Jessie Ayani that I bought on my last N.C. trip. Mike Love, owner of Phoenix Rising in Charlotte, recommended it and I confess that I half bought it out of appreciation for Mike and the wonderful environment he provided for my workshop instead of because I was drawn to it. But as it turns out, it was exactly the right book for now! (Yet another example of Spirit doing whatever it takes to get you where you need to go, even if it’s working through your personality to buy something out of a sense of loyalty!)

It’s written as fiction, but the author implies that it may not be fiction at all. It matters not to me as the book is POWERFUL and full of truth. I looked up the customer reviews of it on Amazon.com and one woman says that she really tried to read it but the terrible writing was just too off-putting. Huh? I am probably as picky as anyone when it comes to getting hung up on bad writing, but, while the author is unlikely to win a prize for the craft of writing, it is well-written enough that the writing is transparent and doesn’t get in the way of the story. Believe me—if it were awful writing, I would not be enthralled with the book! The person who wrote that was just not ready for the energy experience of reading it. At least that’s what I believe—and Rick said the same thing. (He is next in line to read The Lineage of the Codes of Light!)

I’ve been reading it in small “bites”—I have been enjoying it while riding the stationary recumbent bike. It feels right to exercise while reading it as I can feel it working energetically on me, and moving while reading it seems to be helping me integrate the energy easily. I can imagine that I’ll pig out on it at some point and just read with abandon, but for now, exercising while reading it not only helps with the integration process, it is incentive to exercise! Not to mention, the time really flies when you’re reading a book that fascinates you.

It's interesting to be allowed to read again. During the 7-8 years of writing I did on Recreating Eden, my Spirit did not allow me to read the works of others except for topics that had nothing directly to do with ascension, creating Heaven on Earth, or spiritual growth principles. Apparently, I was supposed to keep my mind free of other people's concepts and "download" my material directly from Higher Wisdom. It's kind of funny now to be reading things that others have written that are saying much the same things as I wrote in the book--and thought I was "making up." Apparently, many other folks were "making up" the same stuff! It's all there in Universal Mind for us to retrieve and apparently, lots of us were working in the same section of One Mind! Of course, that brings my ego into it--there is a part of me that is very pleased to have written such a simple, direct, yet potent book--and there's a part that is in awe of someone like Jessie Ayani who has been able to say many of the same things but woven so richly with imagery, story, and details that I was not given the luxury of. I am clear, however, that my very assignment was to write Recreating Eden to be as succinct and as condensed as possible, while delivering an energy packet of considerable potency. Fortunately, Great Spirit has a lot of styles to call on in getting the message across and the energy delivered!

I think I have found what I was seeking! After hearing about Vianna Stibal’s Theta Healing and DNA Activation technique from a healer friend, and then running across it while doing a Google search for something else, I started seriously looking into it. My first hope was to take a class with Vianna herself, but she is not offering her basic class even remotely close to here any time soon as she is teaching all over the world these days. I feel like I need to take it NOW.

So I looked on her site to see which of her certified teachers was offering it in Colorado, and there were three names. One didn’t have a website and she isn’t really nearby anyway, one has a basic class coming up in March but it costs $750 (Vianna herself only charges $450!) and that just didn’t seem like the right thing at this point. The other person is in Lakewood (just across town), but I couldn’t tell a lot from her website as it didn’t have a calendar or prices, so I just let it slide.

Thinking I might just need to read the books and learn on my own, I called Vianna’s office today to order her two books and to ask if there were any classes scheduled that weren’t on the website yet. Just prior to calling, I asked for angelic help in arranging the right situation—preferably, a class that will be held SOON, and close by, and that would be affordable. Since all the classes are, indeed, posted on the site and there wasn’t anything appropriate for my needs, Vianna’s daughter told me she advised that I take a class locally from someone her mother had trained, but didn’t know the Colo. folks and couldn’t recommend one. Wisely, she advised that I call them and see who I clicked with. I admit that I was vaguely bummed since it didn’t seem I had gotten that angelic help!

Sooooo…I called the person in Lakewood and left a message asking if she had any classes coming up soon, and when she returned my call, she said, “Well it just so happens…” Turns out that another person had wanted a class and there wasn’t anyone else available to take it soon enough, so she had agreed to give this person a private class and told me she’d be happy for me to join in. Since the class normally takes 2 weekends, but with only 2 participants, would go much faster, she was planning to do it in one. Since she normally charges $150 per weekend ($300 for the whole class) and we’d be fitting it all into one weekend, she said she’d only be charging $150 for the whole class! AND, it’s planned for December 4^th and 5^th! AND it’s just across town! I guess that qualifies as close, soon, and affordable! (Next time I’ll ask for “next door, tomorrow, and free”!)

Anyway, I will soon not only know the process, I’ll be able to get my certification to teach! I just feel this is going to open new doors for me. I don’t have expectations about what kinds of doors or where they will lead—it just seems that it’s the right next step.

Something else cool and mysterious happened today. I was looking up information on countertops (we’re looking into updating our 1960 vintage kitchen) and ended up on GardenWeb’s remodeling forum. I came across a message talking about “Full Spectrum” paint, and, out of plain old curiosity, went to the designer’s (Ellen Kennon) website that formulates them. After reading about five words on her site, I burst into tears! Not sad tears and not exactly happy tears, but “there’s powerful energy here that somehow relates to me” tears. I have not had that kind of instant reaction to something I had so little information about before, but it is clear that this is something for me to pay attention to. I was told years ago in a psychic reading that I was a “color master” from many lifetimes. I know for sure I LOVE color in this life—it’s a nutrient for me (and for all of us, I believe). You can tell I'm into color by the book cover I designed for Recreating Eden. I don’t know for sure what my powerful emotional reaction was about, but I’ll be looking further into it! And, of course, I’ll report on it…

I’ve got more to say but I’ve written enough for one entry!

What an interesting day! Our ducts and furnace were supposed to be cleaned today and, indeed, a guy came to do that, but discovered that, as happens so often in a 45-year-old house, something was non-standard and the regular procedure would not work. Instead, we’d need to reschedule with a different technician who would be doing a slightly more expensive technique (but would be the best value in the long run as doing it the standard way would require buying new vent covers and repairing damage to the floors!). Couldn’t work out another appointment till Thurs. BUT…

When the young man who was originally supposed to clean our ducts, etc., and I started talking as he was rescheduling the job, we discussed that I am an author that works out of my home office. He was interested in what my book was about and we had quite a conversation. He told me up front he is pretty religious and asked me if I am a Christian. I told him that religion is too small a box for me but if anything, you could call me a “non-traditional Christian.” As the conversation unfolded, the recent elections came into the conversation and ever the intrepid and often Uranus-influenced Pisces, I expressed my views about how the election was a perfect metaphor for the duality on the planet. I admit that I expected him to have fallen for the far right conservative line based on his declaration of being very religious, but he surprised me by bringing up conspiracy theory about Bush and Kerry both being Skull and Bones and all that entails (if you want to see what has been postulated about the Bush/Kerry conspiracy, you can do a Google search on it). He expressed dismay that Bush had won the election and said a couple of his family members were already heading for Canada. I told him I am somewhat familiar with the conspiracy theories and that I think it’s important to be aware of what’s out there but that to invest passion in anything fear-based, no matter how “true” (or not) simply feeds fear. He seemed to click with that understanding right away as he did with many other ideas I pitched his way.

As we continued to talk, it was clear to me from his thoughtful and quick responses that he was truly following what I was saying, and I realized that he was supposed to read Recreating Eden. I gifted him with a copy because it seemed like the right thing to do. He insisted he would read it right away. Of course, as several have found out, the size of the book can be deceptive and it often stirs up so much internal “stuff” that it takes longer than one may first assume. So we’ll see. Then again, my neighbor read it through from cover-to-cover TWICE in one sitting!

As we continued to talk, I realized that he truly is likely in the right place spiritually to “get” the information and energy attunement available through reading Recreating Eden. I am left with the distinct impression that he was supposed to come over primarily to connect with the book and me. Pretty cool. Would have liked it better had the vents gotten cleaned today, too, but…it’s hard to complain about getting it done Thursday!

Also, another very cool event of the day is that Bobbi Creech put a wonderful review of Recreating Eden on Amazon.com for us. It is a thrill to realize that people really are “getting it” and that it is truly helping them! And even more wonderful that they are willing to say so in a public forum. Yay!!!

Today has been a day of rest and rehab from the frenetic North Carolina visit. In 7 days, I stayed in 4 places and participated in activities ranging from doing intense emotional healing work on myself, to teaching a very high-vibe workshop, and from counseling others, to sorting through old letters and photos, plus a whole lot I’m not mentioning. While that may not be so challenging to some, for me, it definitely was. To start with, I’m not particularly adept at packing and moving around. I tend to like to stay awhile once I begin to settle in but that was not to be on this trip! I also felt myself switching identities—from an initial feeling of being an election victim (“victim” is never a high-frequency positioning!) who didn’t want to leave home, to being God-As-Electrical-Force during the breathwork I did with Mary, to being a priestess, and then a teacher, and then the youngest daughter of aged parents, saying goodbye to the “old homeplace” for the last time. I’m not sure if it was the non-stop physical action or the non-stop emotional action that did me in. Probably both. Suffice to say that it will be at least a day or two before I’m going to be planning anything much to do! I was kind of a zombie today. Happily, I was able to spend the day regenerating and Rick took the day off, so he was home, too.

I had a really cool experience yesterday on the trip back. I flew Delta from Raleigh to Denver via Cincinnati and while I was waiting at the gate to board the plane to Cincinnati, I said to my Spirit, “You know—I’ve kind of lost touch with the magic. I could really use a bit of it on this trip. How about seating me with someone interesting to talk to?” A half-hour later, I boarded the plane, stowed my stuff, and then went to the restroom. On my way back to my seat, I noticed that heading down the aisle was Mary Phyllis Horn, whom I had emailed with about SFF in the summer, then met in Raleigh in September at Dancing Moon, and kept running into when I was in Raleigh last week. We had never had a chance to talk but she seemed someone I would probably click with.

As synchronicity would have it, not only was she seated near me, she was assigned to the seat right next to me! I had 30 C and she had 30 B! Then it turned out that 30 A had not been assigned so she moved over a seat and not only did we have a great visit, we had extra space, which is always nice. She was on her way to a metaphysical conference in Tulsa. She is quite interesting and we had a wonderful visit. We did not stop talking for the entire 90-minute flight. I confess to having been the one doing much of it! It was really fun and a definite demonstration of “magic.” I love that.

I just spent 90 minutes writing a long post about my North Carolina trip and when I went to post it, I had forgotten to title it and when I hit the back button, my entry was gone. ACK!

Soooo...I'll be back in Denver tomorrow night and will try again a.s.a.p.

Today I'm in Raleigh, N.C., having left home (Denver) yesterday in the midst of an emotional meltdown. Too many nights of staying up too late plus standing on a busy street corner waving a sign for Kerry-Edwards on election day , etc., etc., and, primarily, the heartbreak and horror of Bush's re-election, had done me in. I have never in my life wanted so badly to just go back to my warm bed with the pups and curl up in a ball and stay there for weeks. But I had a plane to catch so I cried much of the early morning while I finished packing, etc., and cried on the way to the airport. Thank God for Rick who helped me hold it together. He has a way of allowing me to process while at the same time, gently prodding me to keep on keeping on.

In one sense, it's not that anything really changed with the realization that the Bush people won, it's that now we see vividly the state of things in the duality matrix, with the U.S. being reflective of the planetary condition. And it's shocking to realize how much work there is to do to heal the separation. I spoke with a friend who said the whole thing made her tempted to chuck her ministry and run away to the mountains and be a hermit. While I was so there, I managed to get in touch with Truth and tell her that this is just a sign that we are needed more than ever. And it's true. But I do believe that hunkering down to lick the wounds is also important.

Part of my reluctance to leave home yesterday is because I would have no opportunity to regroup, to cry out the pain and find center again. I can handle almost anything when I can process my emotional energy, but airports and airplanes are not really conducive to that. So I hung in there, got to Raleigh (via a plane change in Atlanta) and was very, very glad to be staying at my sister's house where I knew she'd be feeling the devastation, too, and would understand my need to meltdown.

After a restorative night's sleep, I'm preparing to spend the afternoon with Mary, my favorite therapist, where I have no doubt emotional release will be the order of the day. I even wonder if the reason I set my trip up for now is so I'd be able to see Mary, without realizing just how much I'd be needing her. I must find my radiance again as I have a very full weekend of events to lead, both here in Raleigh and in Charlotte. Ironically, prior to leading an afternoon workshop at Phoenix Rising in Charlotte , I'll be doing the church service at New Directions (meets in the community room at P.R.) Sun. and my lesson title is Unconditional Radiance! Guess I will be practicing that in a more acute way than I'd ever have planned when I came up with the topic a few weeks ago!

Off, now, to see Mary!

This evening I got my first angry letter from someone I don't know. I guess you're having an effect when the "hate mail" starts!

Oddly, it has shaken me far less than I would have expected. It was in response to the Election 2004 article I put in the newsletter. While a particular political leaning was not stated per se, I'm extrapolating from what the letter said that the writer of it is a supporter of the Bush Administration.

Of course, "little me" is unhappy that someone yelled at me and accused me of being a fear-monger. But my Self tells me that all is well and to rise above. As always, I will scour my consciousness to see if I have done something not aligned with higher purpose. Obviously, I am not yet flawless, but my motives are true and I am checking in constantly for correction from my Spirit, so that's all I know how to do. Beyond that, I trust that the issues others bring to me are, first and foremost, their own and while I own my part in creating any response, I certainly won't own more than what is truly mine! I feel oddly peaceful about it.

Today (it is very early morning on Election Day), the course of the next four years and beyond are to be decided. I pray that Love, Harmony, and a trend toward healing prevail. I pray, too, that the process will be honest, peaceful, smooth, decisive and reflect the truest and highest desires of not only the citizens of this country, but the citizens of Planet Earth.